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Disappointing friend

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Emotional advice I have a friend which is also a co-worker and we sit together in the office. We always have been good friends and liked to talk with each other. The problem started because she is very cynical and cold. I can tell her something nice and she answer with some very annoying and cynical words and tone, like you are idiot you said something. She makes you feel very bad for nothing. She also did things that seems she is not really a friend. I mean when I need a little help and that means she will need to work a little bit longer and come back home later there is no one to talk to. Because of that I was so angry that I couldn't even talk to her. Only hey and bye. The frustrating thing is that she doesn't give anything about it.. like she does not care. Even though she noticed something. I tried to talk to her about these things in the past but it did not help. I am very disappointing about is because we were really good friends. What should I do?

Disappointing friend

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Hi SHLOMI,

So something I've come to find is that cynical people create their own misery, and like to point the finger at other people because it's easier than taking accountability or action.

I work with two people that fit this description, one of which is a friend - the other is just an acquaintance:

My friend is a complainer, and he complains because he is lazy. It is easier for him to make everything about his own misfortune and other people bringing it upon him because it's easier to act like other people are the reason for his failures than to try changing himself a little bit to be successful.

My acquaintance is a tattle-tail. He constantly likes to focus on other peoples' faults and disregard any good qualities that they have to offer in the workplace. He does this to the extreme point of spending more time worrying about every little thing everyone else does, and not focusing enough on being the best worker he can be.

Extreme cynics are very difficult people to maintain friendships with, because they are usually very self-centered and hold a skewed view of the world. More often than not it will be you who is spending time trying to stay optimistic and maintain a workplace environment that you can be happy to be a part of, while the cynic will spend most of their time bringing everyone else down and making things seem worse than they really are.

From my experience cynics also tend to hold every slight victory they achieve over everyone else's heads. This could be something like dating someone fairly attractive that might seem out of their league, and bragging about it to other people because it makes them feel more successful than everyone else. Or receiving some kind of positive attention in the workplace for something (or being part of something that maybe a whole department or former workplace was a part of, but they like to make it seem as though they had a major hand in attaining it.) and letting it go to their head.

Can you maintain a friendship with a really cynical person?

Well, I've tried to. But I'm not sure that you can long-term. At the end of the day, a cynic will always blame other people in their life for everything. They'll blame you for not trying hard enough to stay in contact with them - sometimes even when you are the one who actually makes an effort. They'll blame their family, or their finances, or whatever else you can name for their inability to have the free time for your friendship. They'll spend countless days just complaining about everything in the world or their life being a mess because of some other factor besides themselves.

Sometimes maybe the cynic is even right about some of the things they say. But when all they have to say is nothing but negative things, you don't need that.

Disappointing friend

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shomoli,

Can you identify "friend" because I don't see one thing she gives back to you.

So, could this be YOUR needs that are trying (so hard) to be filled? Instead, you get rejected and humiliated.

Cut back on the time and effort you put into this relationship. Seek out another friend outside of work.

You deserve so much more.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

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