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Is this a case of continued betrayal or not??

Posted by
on Mar 15 2018 at 20:03
Member since: 25 October 2017
Relationship advice With same guy for 5 years and he has a history of always underestimating to me his financial matters (tells me he owes less than he does on cards, etc.). I have a nice nest egg I've built by working my whole life and saving. I'm a few years from retirement and he wants to marry me (or at least live with me in a few months). While he is much better at budgeting (because I've taught him and he knows I do check from time to time) and he appears to be more truthful in some of his finances (what he owes on his cards but maybe b/c he is using some inherited money to finally pay them off), he stills lies about certain things. For example, he is the POA for his elderly mother and he used her cards (he says with her permission) on numerous occasions when he was unemployed for various items some of which are food (which I understand) but also liquor and car washes (that's not critical in my mind). He understated how much he used her cards when I asked and also understated what she still owes (which she can't afford to pay in full). He mishandled her cards in terms of allowing late fees and interest to accrue.

He has sent one of her accounts to a lawyer who will negotiate it down and the other one he pays a decent amount b/c he wants her to have at least one card should she need it (but hopefully he won't use it for his own now that's he employed again and collects social security as well). Last night I asked him about what he is doing to address his mom's credit cards and inquired as to the balance of her 1 card he is paying with her money. While I know the amount is about $7,100 (with added late fees when he didn't pay it on time a few months ago) and ongoing interest, he said "about $6,000" to me and seemed reluctant to say anything to me. Also, when I asked him if he has paid off his cards, he said he is paying one down incrementally (which is true) but also said it has )% interest, which is not true (when he got the card a few years ago is was 0% but has been 22% interest for a while now). Shouldn't he know this when he pays the bills (and he is lying to me again) or is he just clueless (and I shouldn't hold this against him as a lie).


Therefore, the question is: do I just let this go and move forward with him or is this just another example of his persistent lying and finally give up even though we love each other????

Is this a case of continued betrayal or not??

Reply from
on Mar 15 2018 at 22:18
Member since: 29 December 2013
You put it in caps..everything must be transparent to move forward. Regardless if he's clueless or not, it's up to you to act on this issue whichever way you see fit, because you've basically asked and answered your own post. The issue for you is trust, while his issue is his dishonesty and his persistent lying to a woman whom he's been with for 5 years and wants to marry. It really doesn't matter if he's absolute POA for his mother or what the legalities of it is, what does matter is that he's responsible for the debt..full stop.

Is this a case of continued betrayal or not??

Reply from
on Mar 16 2018 at 00:10
Member since: 27 December 2013
After 5 years, it seems that you should know that if this situation has gotten WORSE for you, you should know what's best.

You have posted here and on other sites several times about this same situation.

Can you share why this decision is so troublesome for you?

Is this a case of continued betrayal or not??

Reply from
on Mar 17 2018 at 01:04
Member since: 11 May 2018

It doesn't really matter whether there's transparency or not, you've established that he's irresponsible with money, and he lies. You, on the other hand, sound like you've got your act together, steady employment, planned for the future, etc, etc. I see potential problems if you live together. You don't want to find out one day that you're in debt because he's borrowed money in your name without your knowledge.

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