Friends that turned to lovers.....
So I feel I have to give you a backstory to fully understand. So me and my current gf have been friends for 1 year. I’ve seen 2 of her relationships kinda blow up in shambles Bc her bf cheated on her. She’s seen one of my relationships blow up due to a insane gf in that year time. We’ve both spoke of our gory stories with out relationships. Even life. In do so, we both realized we had a lot in common and became good friends. Well went out as friends, was supposed to be a group of people together. But ended up being just us. Well we hooked up and everything took off from there. Everything was great. No complaints on my part. No complaints on her part. I was still a little skeptical on the relationship Bc it felt surreal. She felt like it was surreal too. Wanted to always be around, loved, laughed enjoyed life together. All of this in 6 months. Her friends say they see a difference in her life with me around. We are in love....
Now 3 days ago... so we both had dreams of being cheated on recently by each other. We decided to talk about the dream. Not in detail. Just a I had dream about etc etc ... in me talking about my dream I told her I couldn’t go back to sleep Bc I had the what if factor in my head. We are having this whole convo thtext. She’s replies “oh so what if I did” in seeing this I’m thinking she asking me litterly. So I answer. And ask her the question. After answering I joking say “wait are u thinkin about cheating”. All via text. Which caused a lot of confusion. With that question, she has a flashback of her EX accusesing her of cheating when he was the one actually cheating. So now she felt hurt again and kinda feels that she might need space to fully heal from previous relationship. She understood where I was coming from with the miscommunication via text. And agreeed. But now she just feels kinda shut down from me and kinda has a wall up Bc of that. Trying to explain to her that’s she’s been happy and should think about that before taking time away from the relationship. I love her and care about her and I don’t wanna give her the space Bc I feel I will lose her. Idk what to do....
given you knew of her background with a cheating boyfriend it vwbt5was very silly to bring up dreaming about her cheating on you. she needs a time out to get over you saying same thing her cheating ex boyfriend called her out on. this was especially hurtful since she had dreams of you cheating on her. your call out.." wait are you thinking about cheating.. ""i am sure brought back the pain when her ex hit her with cheating accusations.
give her a time out then apologize about bringing up such a hurtful subject. you should avoid discussing anything that will stress her out like cheating by either of you. you should know her well enough after a year to know her soft spots to avoid.
Thank you. And yes, your right. I should’ve never asked that question at all since I kno her past of being accused but not cheating at all. I’m hoping this all works out in the end
Oh my gosh .... why even GO there? Overthinking? Baiting her?
Stop sabotaging something good.
Nothing drives a lover away more than whining. Find out WHY you need to even go there.
Find out why I even need to go where? I asked that question Bc of a text mesg. In text mesg things get read wrong. Which is what I did. I didn’t accuse her of anything. Nowhere in that post does anyone “whine”.
"I had the what if factor in my head. We are having this whole convo thtext. She’s replies “oh so what if I did” in seeing this I’m thinking she asking me litterly. So I answer. And ask her the question. After answering I joking say “wait are u thinkin about cheating”. All via text. Which caused a lot of confusion."
Isn't this baiting and whining?
Apologize for even going there (about cheating) and see if she wants to start over.
Text can be read so wrong. Maybe talk face to face. If she’s not willing then give her the space she wants. I personally think talking is best. It’s hard if she has barriers up, but at least you can say you tried. Hope it all works out for you both.