Paternity test dilemma
Bit of an ethical dilemma here. I was seeing a girl from work last year. She had a bf, but she asked me out anyway. After about a month of us chatting online I went out with her once, and she broke up with her bf the next day. We started seeing each other casually, mostly just meeting up at my place for sex. After a few weeks she told me she was back in contact with her ex and had seen him a few times. Before I came on the scene they were having problems and she described him as controlling, jealous and emotionally abusive at times. She told me not much had changed once she had started seeing him again and I tried to convince her to finish with him once and for all because she always seemed upset and miserable whenever I picked her up, usually because of him.
Anyway, after a few more weeks she told me she loved me and decided that she was leaving him for good. A week or so after that she found out she was pregnant. She had already told her bf she was pregnant, and then told me and her work colleagues a day or so after. As she was seeing up both during when she fell pregnant I asked her to get a paternity test but told her I would stay with her and the baby if that’s what she wanted, even if the result showed I wasn’t the father. She said she was confused and didn’t know what to do and needed time to think. She avoided meeting with me after that but we stayed in contact by messaging but after a while she eventually told me that it was a mistake to get involved with me and she realised she loved her bf again. When she was far enough along to take the prenatal paternity test with me, she backed out. She messaged me about a couple weeks later to tell me she told her bf she had a one night stand and needed to get a paternity test. She said the results came back saying the baby was his. When I asked her to see a copy of the results she said she couldn’t show me them because only her bf had a copy and she’d need to explain why she needed them, which might result in a massive fight. She then asked me to delete all her contact details and never contact her again, and she has since blocked me from all social media and blocked my number.
Going by what little she told me I don't know if she took the paternity test. We kept our relationship quiet so nobody in work knew we were seeing each other and if anyone found out it would cause her a lot of problems, both in work and personally. I never get a chance to speak to her in private in work as she always makes sure there is someone around at all times and she won’t see me out of work.
If the baby is mine I couldn’t face not being part of its life. But in order to find out the paternity I might need to take her to court. That will mean this whole messy situation will be out in the open and it could ruin her life, which I don't want. If the baby is mine I would want to be in its life as much as possible but I can’t see myself and the baby’s mother having a relationship. If the baby isn’t mine I might have messed up her life, and she might become a single mum which I also don’t want. Basically, this whole situation has been all I’ve thought about for months. If I take it further, no matter who’s baby it is I’ll probably be messing things up for her since our past relationship will come to light. If I do nothing, I might have child I’ll never get to know. Thoughts?
Regardless of the pregnancy, she has made her choice about who she wants to be with.
If you feel strongly about this child, You will need legal services to help figure out your rights if you ARE the father of this child. She will have to produce the evidence to the court. That will take time.
Sorry - you sound like a nice and caring man. I encourage couseling with s therapist or religious leader to help with support .