He's a social butterfly and I'm an introvert
My boyfriend is a really social type and I am the complete opposite, he finds energy in being around people and I find it completely draining. Our personalities clash and it cause so many problems for us because he always wants to see me and I always want to see him too but I just can't find the energy to host him when he comes over (I live with my parents, he rents a room and isn't allowed guests in a different suburb, we are both 18) and when he does come over it's great because I get to see him but I don't like when he comes over when I'm not in the mood to socialise because I don't want him to get bored or feel un wanted when he's with me.
He has been really patient with me so far but lately we have been fighting almost on a daily basis because he doesn't like that I'm an introvert by nature. We've only been together for five months and have more fights then we do meaningful discussions. I also want to add that I have horrible anxiety and as a result am afraid of strangers and people in general and he doesn't know how to be empathetic and has also been described as "heartless" by his own best friend. Does anyone have any advice that may help us? Thank you.
He wants a full relationship. He is upset about what he feels is being rejected. He’s not a therapist either.
Are you getting professional help and/or medication for your condition? Don’t let it define your life. You will miss out on much - including this guy who just wants to see and talk to you.
He knows I'm not rejecting what he feels, we talk about it almost everyday. I have been think of solutions that can help both of us but he doesn't try to think of any himself and instead pokes holes in the ones I come up with which cause more conflict then when we started.
As for the anxiety, I am not currently receiving any help for it, as a result of my anxiety I find it hard to talk about it to people who actually have the ability to provide me with help, I have asked my parents to help me but that took me seven years to do and they rejected the idea. I also have selective mutism which makes asking for help so much harder.
You seem very bright and competent.
Put all that energy into YOURSELF to get where you want to be.
BF will either ride along or fade away.
First thing is getting things right for YOU.
More good points, thanks again.
LADYLUCIFER: it is not healthy to fight, especially repeatedly and as much as you and your boyfriend have been fighting. It increases anxiety and you don't need your anxiety increased or exacerbated.
If the fighting cannot be stopped immediately, better end the relationship.
It is his right to choose an extrovert for a girlfriend. He doesn't have the right to fight with you for any reason, including for you not being who you are not.
Thank you for your advice, you're not the first person to suggest breaking up with him either so maybe it's time to stop focusing on what I feel and start focusing on what I need? Again thank your for your input, I really appreciate it.
Hello, LADYLUCIFER: focusing on what you need reads good to me. My understanding is that you need time with a boyfriend but also time alone within any long get together with the boyfriend, correct?
Does he need a girlfriend to be constantly and continuously attentive to him during a long get together, an hour or a few hours long?