How do I escape this misery???
Been with boyfriend for over 5 years but never lived with him. He has had issues with financial honesty to me over the years which has led to a few breakups. He kept saying to me after our last breakup (last May) that he wants to marry me (soon), etc. The last straw was for me 10 days ago with another lie so I told him I'm sorry but can't take it anymore (especially if he is thinking marriage). It's too hard to be with someone you can't trust despite their best efforts to improve (and he has tried in some respects). After less than 24 hours, he texted me and told me we belonged together and should forget about the bad things we said to each other the day before when I told him I was breaking up with him. He is very dependent on me for his emotional needs (almost seems to be "addicted" to me). He tells me I am not ready for commitment in a relationship and I'm breaking up with him now b/c of the upcoming holiday and my sister's wedding in May(when he would meet the rest of my family). He also told me I'd never find another man, much less one that loves me as much as him and I had a pretty face but I should stop touching a blemish on my face. He said we break up but always reconcile (which has been true in the past) but I really can't take it anymore. How do I break free emotionally and physically?
You just have to do it. Block him everywhere. Stay strong. He'll get over it eventually. Focus on yourself and love yourself more. You can never have a healthy relationship if there is no trust and once the trust is gone, it is rarely recuperated. He sounds controlling and the fact that you guys depend on each other so much shows that it is actually unhealthy. In a healthy relationship, two people should have their own lives and independence that are just accentuated and made better by the other. Remember these things and just cut off all contact, no matter how hard he tries.
You have to really WANT to break up with him. You’ve got a good foundation for making this move, but still sound hesitant.
Do you know what it is that holds you back ?
Hello ESCAPE: You wrote that he tried to be honest with you on financial matters and that he needs you emotionally. And yet again he lied to you. This means that his inclination to lie to you on financial matters is so powerful that although he tried, he didn't make it. And although he needs you and have much to lose, he still can't make it.
Will he be able to be honest with you? I don't know, but he has a strong inclination to not be honest with you. And he is working hard to put the blame on you, claiming you fear commitment. He is trying on that front.
So I tried breaking up and he said that he suspects I'm seeing someone or interested in someone and conjuring up excuses to break up. He said his financial errors are "old news" and a "zebra can change their stripes".
I think I just need to say "I don't love you anymore" even though I still have feelings for him; otherwise, he will never give up.
I finally did it! Thanks so much for your help.
told him as nicely as I could that at first I lost respect after all of the lies and then I lost my love for him, but still cared about him.
Hello again ESCAPE: You are welcome and congratulations for doing the right thing for yourself. It is a good thing that you get to decide what is right for you, not him, not anyone else.