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Really need some fuckin help

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I have been with my now boyfriend for almost 2 years. I met him on a dating app for your phone(Tinder). Literally days before I came across his dating profile I ended a relationship with a guy i was with for about 7 months. It was a hellish relationship, i was physically abused, It reached the point I got him arrested. When I started talking to my now boyfriend I told him about what I had went through. What i didn't tell him was that while the ex was in jail my dumbass was replying to his letters even when he asked me multiple times if I was. And I kept all of them in a box. This was in June of 2016. Between that time and right at the beginning of August we were writing back and forth, I had sent him photos of me and my children, nothing sexual. Idk why, I really don't. To this day I really just don't know what the hell I was thinking but anyways. By this time around August I had gotten to know my now boyfriend more and had spend time together in person and stayed over his house etc. My ex would steadily send me letters but I stopped replying. I would read them and just put them in the box. I never told him bout the guy i was seeing I also never lead him to believe that we were still together. Anyways fast forward to maybe the end of September around there. My ex still sending me letters, still not replying. My now boyfriend and I always fighting because he knew i had lied to him before about it and sure he thought I was still doing it. He was at my house one day and asked to go through things and I let him and he found the box. Of course he was mad, he ripped them to pieces, stormed out the house. We talked after he cooled down. He told me of I wanted to be with him to write a letter to my ex telling him about him and that I didn't want him and to leave me alone so on and so forth. I did so with no hesitance, the letter got sent. Alright well fast forward a bit more, let me.mind you my now boyfriend was cheated on mutiple times in last relationships and his trusting is just all fucked so I understand what I had did set us back tremendously especially us being so new. HE NEVER LET IT GO, everyday we fought about it. It was hard going through the whole regaining trust. I allowed him access to all my social media, all my emails, even had my icloud linked to another apple device so when any message came through my phone he would get a copy sent to that device. Yes. I thought it was a bit controlling but I did want to be with him so I accepted. So here goes this, my now boyfriend has a dog...yes a fucking dog. And omg this dog is constantly everywhere with us, constantly like right there at all times, cuddling on the couch oh there's a dog, trying to be intimate oh guess what there's a dog. Sleeping, ugh fucking dog. I am NOT a dog person at all. like at all. I never said anything about it though until around December when I had fully lived with him. Simply asked dude can we do something about the dog, does it always have to be around , can you make it go in a other room, does it have to sleep in the bed with us. Nothing too crazy, atleast I didn't think it Was? And omg he just gets livid. Telling me pretty much fuck me, the dog has been there long before me , he doesnt want to gurt the dogs feelings or make it feel unwanted, if I don't like it pretty much you know where the door is. I'm like whaaaaat. Is this serious? At this time I completely feel like this animal is more important then I am. And I just don't understand it. I'm feeling all kinds of ways and just don't process it at all. I then throw a fit, cause unfortunately at that time I was ridiculous and didn't have the care to control myself so I just lost it. Asked how a dog could be more important than me. Why is asking you not to let your dog in the bed such a big deal. Called him a dog fucker. Man I was terrible. It even got so heated after repeatedly telling him how it makes me feel like an animal is more important than me and him just not caring I picked up a softball sized scentsy warmer and just chucked it right towards him. Hit him in the back. I didn't apologize, I walked out the room went to a different room and just cried and beat my head against the wall asking myself what is wrong with me.he went to bed shortly after and sent me a text asking me to come lay in bed with him. It took me a few tries but I eventually did. Went to bed woke up the next morning we didn't talk. He just left for work. We didn't talk much throughout the day but when we did it was just normal conversation didnt seem like anything off. All while im just oblivious to what is going on he has gotten his family involved on a scheme planning it out to tell me that his dad who own his house is taking it back from him and he has to move out, he has nowhere to go so I have to move out, me and my 2 kids who have lived here for 3-4 months already. He got.his dad to leave a fake voicemail on his.phone. even had him come over and had it all scripted out. Made it out that his dad was mad at him for being behind on the rent like he milked it to the fullest. I'm of course devastated, like we had talked about talking when he got.home about what happened and stuff but instead this happens. Even though i felt it all along he was lying and even asked if thats what he was doing he denued of course. I didn't find out he lied till about 3 days later when im living with my mom and all mine and my kids belongings shoved in a storage shed. Alright so I'm upset of course that he lied but in all reality it was my fault that he felt like he had to do that I guess. I don't think that extreme was necessary but I also am stubborn and don't ever want to just go away because someone tells me to. I always want to fix it. But yeah. I knew I fucked up, I knew.i had an issue, I knew i.should be on my prescribed medicine for my mood swings but I wasn't. For about 2 weeks I lived at my mom's house. This is now Jan 2017. This entire time we are arguing fighting him calling me names just ripping into me about all the shit I did with my ex, just being god awful but he made me believe that i deserved that and I felt i deserved it to. I made a promise.to him that i was gonna do everything I could to.show him I'm worth being with. I even said I'd stop talking about the dog even though I still felt just as strongly about it as I did before I said ok. About a week later I moved back in and everything I promised I lived up too. I was commpletely miserable about the dog. He notices but doesnt care. He will tell the dog to go away and of course it doesnt cause it doesnt know what that means and then just is like whatever fuck it. JUNE 2017 almost together a year minus the 2 week split up. Besides that it was good for a decent while but then I think he started thinking oh this is too good to be true so he started hashing up the past. Note, I am a mother of 2 kids. I have absolutely no friends, I have no interest in ever leaving the house unless it's to get food. I literally talk to 3 people outside this house and it's my family. So I'm giving no reason for him to not trust me, also remember he literally sees my every move. Can log into my find my iPhone at anytime and see where I'm at. Even could log into my att account and see who I'm calling or texting. So like seriously gave no indication. Well all my feelings I was keeping to myself just took it's toll and I started slacking off attention towards him, sex and all that lovey shit. Anytime I try to express how I felt i would just be yelled at from the top of his lungs literally and told to get the fuck out. There's been so much yelling and fighting and threatening and just pure hatred and emotional and verbal abuse from him that then on. We'd be okay for about a week and then he'd explode on me aboutnjust stupid shit. Not ever stopping to take time to understand why I can't get past how I feel to be intimate with him because I just feel like I'm nothing to him. I can be on the floor crying, bawling my eyes out, crying to the point of gagging and vomiting begging him to please just stop and he's just continuously yelling at me and screaming at me callin me names telling me to get oit of.his house, but then stops to walk across the room pet the dog tell it everything's okay and cover it up and shit. And I'm just there like omfg like what even is this. March 2018, same problems, I stuck to my word. I don't even ever get mad about anything anymore and keep all my feelings to myself and just let him get away with everything until I just can't take it so I tell him how I feel. Beg him to change. Then like usual, it's ok for a week or so then bam he just goes insane and just rips me to pieces emotionally. He has seen a therapist and claims he takes it seriously but it hasn't helped. He says I think I'm Mrs perfect and I do no wrong and the reason he does the things he does is because of me and if he was with someone else it would be different, They would love him and his dog and not make him change anything about anything and they would just accept it all. I am far from perfect, but I honestly do nothing. My only fault is I don't give him physical attention or have sex with him. He likes to be rubbed on and shit. I tell him I just can't do that for you when you make me feel this way and gets mad at me. But when im doing everything he wants I'm perfect and im his world. I don't want to leave him .I want to fix us.i want to help him with his problems but I just can't anymore. What can I do? I feel like I've tried everything. All I get from his is just leave me then cause I'm not the only problem. Please help.

Really need some fuckin help

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sounds like your present relationship is worst than last one. is the dog male or female? what is going to happen when your ex gets out of prison and comes looking for you? who is tougher of the two men? if i was you i would be looking for a new man to replace both of them. if your ex threatened your current boyfriend i am sure he will throw you away especially since you are not fucking him. guys don't last long without fucking someone in my experience. dont just sit back and put up with their shitting on you. take leadership of relationships for your children benefit.

Really need some fuckin help

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The dog is female. My ex is already out of prison, there's just so much happened between us there's too much to type. My ex got out of prison January of this year. He did try to contact me. My now boyfriend once again broke up with me made me pack all mine and my kids belongings up and send us back to Missouri 2 hours away all within hours and NO warning. I didn't talk to my ex when he messaged me. I blocked him every which way he tried.

Really need some fuckin help

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Hello THAT1CHICK: I wish you and your kids did not go through all this trouble, all this heartache and trauma with the old boyfriend and the new one. I wish the new (now on break, or ex) boyfriend was a decent man, but reading his behavior, he is not. Sure it would have been better if you didn't correspond with the old boyfriend while in a relationship with the new boyfriend, but this has nothing to do with the new boyfriend's behavior of calling you names, ripping into you and threatening to get you out of his (or his father's) house repeatedly. His behavior is very wrong, to mistreat you and your kids this way. You are not responsible for this behavior. I think it takes a heartless man to do what he did. To do these things not only to you but to two children. I hope you don't go back to him. You tried your best to be submissive to him, to take his abuse, but clearly,it didnt stop his abuse. He felt powerful, I suppose, having the house, being able to kick you out anytime, to hold the threat against you. Make sure you don't avail yourself ever again to a man who will misuse his power against you. Submitting to abuse only allows more of it to take place. I don't think you can fix heartlessness. A lack of heart, which is what I diagnose him at the moment (an unprofessional diagnosis, of course) Another living arrangement where your children and you are safe, SAFE from abuse is of highest priority. Do you agree?

Really need some fuckin help

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Are your children witnessing this dysfunction? For their sake, either remove them from this environment or get them into a safe, calm place with a relative or friend. You say you are not taking your own medication. For what? This might be the reason why this is a circular relationship - around and around- repeated behavior. This must be stressful for your children. I have no advice. This situation is deeply troubling - for your kids.

Really need some fuckin help

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That was a past tense moment of the story. I wasn't taking the medicine at that point in time and I did say that that may have contributed. I feel i was no longer the problem once I was back on my medications and pretty much bowed down to his every want from me.

Really need some fuckin help

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I know what I need to do y'all. I KNOW this. I'm just one of those stupid bitches that just doesn't have the balls. I mean come on it took me putting my ex in prison just to leave him and then look at me was still in contact with him. I have some fucked up issues and idk I just hate starting over. I feel like why why shoukd i be the one who looses eeverythung after all the feelings ive put into it. He move on go be with some other woman and possibly mwke her happy but not me. Its so dumb and why i have to be that way i dont know ud give anythung to makenit go away. I'm one of them dumb cunts who want nothing but to help and better a person. But again, I know I need to go and everything I say is just stupid excuses. But the reality of it is, I have nowhere to go. Even the days I had no choice but to stay at my mom's she asked me every chance she could when I was leaving, when was I getting out there's no room etc. I have no friends. I'm not very good a having anyone in my life it seems. I've only ever been fucked over anytime I've put myself out there.

Really need some fuckin help

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Hello again THAT1CHICK: please do not call yourself names, derogatory names. I suppose you haven't function well in life in some significant areas and ways, but we people ... are all dysfunctional in some ways, some more than others. Some way more than you are. The dysfunction follows injuries we received early in life. Often we blame ourselves and others blame us for the consequences of injuries we didn't choose. Sure, as adults, and as early as we can, we need to be responsible for our actions, to choose well for our well being and for others, especially for our children. But the way to become more responsible and to choose better is not to beat ourselves up. No. The way is to be empathetic to ourselves, gentle with ourselves. It is aggression that brought us to dysfunction. More aggression- more dysfunction. Gentleness with yourself and you will be better for it. And so will your children. Please let me know what you think about what I wrote to you so far. I would like to communicate further with you.

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