Do I leave my husband?
I'm 23 and my husband is 25. We got together in 2011 when I was 17 and married in 2013. He started playing video games all evening/night long. And he started getting violent with me if I made him mad. He never hit/punched me but he would choke and be rough. So I started talking to other guys I didn't know online and I eventually told him and he begged me things would be different and to stay. So I did.
In 2014 we bought our first home. Not even a month later he started acting distant towards me, not talking to me and being out alot. I looked at the phone records and seen a number. When I called it was a girl. I confronted him and he said she was an old friend. A couple months went by and he was still talking to her so I gave him the choice of me or her and the talking stopped.
A couple months after that I got pregnant. On purpose. He became distant again and I was alone. I went through my pregnancy alone. About half way through it I found out he had met the girl a few months prior and was sexual with her, as far as I know there was no sex. Then right after I found out about her, he went to visit his brother for his wedding and when he got back I found out he kissed another girl there, while I was pregnant with his child. He never came to doctor's appointments, he wasn't there to support me. He was even going to leave me.
It's been not quite three years since all of this and I can't forgive and forget. I have been thinking about leaving him for the simple fact that I am not happy and think it's time for me to be happy. I've been with him almost seven years and none of that was a happy time. But he's begging me to stay, making me feel obligated to stay with him and not be happy. I need some advice!
Hello ANICOLE: first advice I have is to not get pregnant in this relationship again as this is not a good relationship for a child to be brought into. Your first pregnancy and child did not bring about a better relationship with him, so it doesn't work in this regard.
Second advice is for the two of you to attend couple counseling so to explore ways of making this relationship work for the benefit of the three of you together. And to explore the possibility of separation, as it might be a better choice.
A child needs a safe place to call home, a home where people get along, where there is peace. A safe, peaceful home can be of two parents or one, depending.
I think you know the answer to your question. You're not happy, because your husband doesn't love you. People don't treat people they love like that. I can give you plenty of reasons to leave. Can you give any reason you should stay?
Counseling only works if both people want the marriage to work. It's clear that is not the situation here. Staying in an unhappy marriage is not the example you want to set for a child. Better to have separated and happy parents, then be subjected to that level of dysfunction where both parents resent feeling trapped.
Your relationship is not a safe one for you or your child. Make plans to leave. I wish you well.