Will my husband ever show me affection again?
I’m 38 my husband is 50. We have a 5 year old daughter. He was always very affectionate with me when we dated. We were together for a long time, then we got into a few fights when the mortgage crisis hit because he said he, as a mortgage broker, couldn’t make a living anymore... what I mean is he was drinking heavily and always grouchy and mad.
I thought once those problems subsided things would be back to the way they were. Not so much. He literally lost everything. I moved to New York for work and then thought he could move out there, but he didn’t... then I got pregnant with my daughter while visiting Home for New Years. So, we got married and when I was working as an auditor while he tried to put things back together. I wasn’t home much because I was always out for work. He thought I was cheating on him.
I was only going out to make money to pay the bills. I actually gave him all of my money before he filed bankruptcy. I’m a Taurus he’s a Pisces. As a Taurus I value security and I’ve felt very insecure because of all of this. I had a horrible experience would omg with horrible people and then I came home to a man that was mad at me.
Well fast forward 5 years. We now have started what is looking like a very lucrative and growing business. Money is finally starting to pour in again. My husband, who quit drinking 5 years ago tells me the reason he hasn’t laid a finger on me intimately in 5 years is because he hasn’t been drinking. I have not had an intimate encounter with my husband in 5 YEARS.
I told him if he can’t show me affection that we needed to open up the marriage. He says if I cheat on him he will divorce me. It’s not fair. I need a man who will make me feel desired and loved and I shouldn’t have to lose my family to do that.
Side notes: I’m very attractive according to lots of guys. I am not fat and I am very good when it counts in wink wink areas. I’m also a child from a divorced family. I don’t believe in divorce. I think it destroys lives.
Sounds like your husband is not over having the rug pulled out from under him during the economic crisis. He didn’t even notice your efforts to keep things together.
Fast forward - he still can’t put things together. He’s scared and self esteem is low, and he has a selfish view of the situation. In the meantime, you are attention-starved.
That he has stopped drinking is commendable, but it’s just a beginning. He sounds like a dry drunk, though.
Marriage counseling is a must. You go, if he won’t. (You sound like you want this marrage to work. You don’t want to threaten him with an affair. That’s counterproductive.)
Hello BABSY: you wrote, "My husband, who quit drinking 5 years ago tells me the reason he hasn't laid a finger on me intimately in 5 years is because he hasn't been drinking"-
Did you not ask him to elaborate on the connection between drinking and having sex with you, how the two are connected?
You sound very similar to me.
40 and also good looking apartently. The other thing too.
Can we not just look after each other...sugar there's an ocean in the way