So, I have been dating a man for the past 9 months. All started off well and now coming up against some pretty large hurdles and my red flag count is mounting so needing some advice and opinions. So all in all he comes across as a lovely guy, says all the right things, has popped the L word a handful of times. He comes and visits me and regularly invites me to his. He calls every day, sometimes twice. Has introduced me to his parents and family but no friends.
So this is where it gets confusing for me. A while ago he met with a female friend of his for dinner. (I wasn’t invited and he didn’t tell me until after). She was apparently having relationship issues. For me dinner is pretty intimate but ok it’s a friend. I have never met her and first I knew of her. I asked him a couple of times a few months later if he’s heard from her. No was the answer. Well turns out he lied and he had.
Next his neighbours across the road split whom he knew - In a neighbourly way. She still lives there, hubby has moved out. Over dinner one night he said he thought he might go over and ask her if she needs a hand with anything (such as chopping wood etc) and his words were ‘Now that’s she’s single’. He got very defensive when I said I wasn’t sure it was his responsibility and perhaps he wait for her to ask for help?
Then the going to events and never including me, not telling me anything about his life (including that he had 2 nieces, which I didn’t know about until she needed to stay at his place as she was having issues with her bf!) He doesn’t tell me about people in his life - we were on a plane one day and this lady came up and they chatted warmly for a while and then she left - he never introduced me!) I had to ask who she was, a work colleague apparently.
This guy is not very deep emotionally. If I talk he stares at the tv and doesn’t seem to listen and then other times will. Now with all of the above he has given me a key to his house and always joking about me moving in! It can’t be a booty call as he hardly ever get down to it so it’s not so clean cut. I feel like a convienience really. I just don’t get it?! He pulls me in and then pushes me away! It’s breaking me emotionally and I am so confused.
Oh, and I regularly hear about the attractive women at his work and how some of the women at his gym have great bodies - all of which he says very seldom about me.
He originally chased me, found out where I worked and left a card to call. Now that he has me it seems he doesn’t want me?
We were a few months into our relationship and he invited me to travel away to a family event with 60 odd family members. He basically dropped me and left and I sat without him the whole night! I was so nervous and he reckoned since I looked like I was fine he left me to it.
I’ve asked him why he doesn’t tell me more about his life and say and why he hadn’t told me about talking with the lady he went to dinner with and he said ‘I didn’t find it important’. So I’m now second guessing just what he will tell me.
To me a relationship is a partnership/teamwork/Bonnie & Clyde but now I’m not sure if that’s the norm or I’m being too needy
How much more can he show you that he is not emotionally available? (And did you allude that he is not physically available, either?)
Move on. You have spent too much time on this.
I really wonder if he would notice.
Hello ANGIEL: from reading your posts about your boyfriend's behavior, I do not see malice. There may be, but I don't see it. What I see is lack of attention on his part in the context of relationships as well as lack of social skills. I don't think he paid or is paying much attention to his friendship with the woman he had dinner with. I think he just doesn't pay attention... sort of absent minded.