I don't know what to do or how to feel
o to whom reads this, I'm 25 I don't know how to word this so I'm sorry if it becomes incoherent. I'll give a brief history. So there's this girl that I know/known for a while who I have strong feelings for. We were together once but split up over an argument, then stated as good friends. Then she got a boyfriend a few months after breaking up, who in my opinion is a bad person. As he was very manipulative to her and made her cut tires with a lot of people including myself as he would say that she has feelings for me because she liked the art I would draw for her. Well they broke up, then she got back in contact with me and told me stuff that he did and said like he hacked her social media accounts and then proceeded to post naked pictures of her on her accounts. Then shortly afterwards she had an incident and was raped and her ex said that she wasn't and that she enjoyed it and so on. While this was going on I was giving her support throughout all of it. Well after all this it seemed like things were going well between us where it felt like we were getting back together...but I would mess things up by becoming jealous over stuff that wasn't really happening and would overthink things as I have depression and anxiety issues. Due to this we would fall out a lot and stop talking and so on then we'd reconnect and it would happen again. Well recently things between us were going great, she even talked about getting back together and seeing how things go. But I messed things up by becoming too clingy to her which I didn't know I was doing or was aware of. So now she said she doesn't want to and this is why she hasn't in the past and the reason why we fall out as friends too. I told her I didn't know I was being clingy and that I can change that and want to work on that and asked maybe a lil bit of communication could help aswell. She said no and that I should already know and that I can't change and it's too late and so on but she said we can still be friends and handed me that trope olive branch. I just don't know what to do now I'm scared I've messed everything up for myself or for a future with her cuz I really have strong feelings for her and she just seems like the girl for me and at one point she thought the same about me we had plans of living together and she said if I didn't mess i to begin with she would be with me to the end of time. I'm scared I've pushed her away for ever or into the arms of someone else as a few days after our recent argument she's been talking to her ex again the one I mentioned earlier I just feel lost at the moment and unsure how to think or feel I'm just scared I've pushed her into the arms of her ex who I'm scared she'll get back with. I'm scared I'm going to do something stupid. Any advice would be truly appreciated and I'm sorry if this seems very convoluted. Thank you.
They have been split up for a year or two now if I'm not mistaken.
While the split up they weren't in contact with each other.
She has actually been really supportive of me with my art and such.
My only real gripe is that she doesn't communicate with me until it's too late then doesn't want to deal with me or with the issue as if she spoke before it got to much for her this wouldn't of been happening and we could of got through it by talking I'm not perfect and I make mistakes sometimes the same ones but I don't mean to do it.
I don't know why she got in contact with me she said she misses me, when we fall out or something bad happens she always gets in contact with me or says she misses me.
I did talk to her recently, she mentioned her ex and that she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and be friends with him but he didn't like that and stuff.
Now she's talking to some other guy who I know and who I know doesn't like me as he gets jealous that I spend or I spent so much time with her and she knows that he likes her.
Now she's ignoring me to talk to him, as we game together and she told me she was in a voice chat with him but wouldn't inv me cuz of what I said earlier about him not liking me. Then she said she had to suddenly go and she left the game and now she's ignoring my messages and stuff this just happened like an hour ago. I feel like she's trying to get at me for some reason or another.
No I did not have any other relationships I talked and went on dates but nothing beyond that with other girls.