My boyfriend does not find me pretty
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he ever thought just for a bit that I was attractive or pretty to him. We met each other at work 3 years ago and just recently during our 2nd and a half year being colleagues, we started becoming friends and fell in love.
He told me, to him, I don’t look bad but he does not find me pretty or nice looking. He tells me he doesn’t care about looks and that he loves me a lot and I do believe him but during that time he met me, he always found other girl he passes by pretty.
Till now, he does not think I’m beautiful(now I know why he never called me beautiful) and I am truly hurt by this. And I wonder if I am wrong for being hurt and affected because I asked him for the answer. I just did not expect that someone who tells me he loves me, seems to not think I am beautiful or “nice looking”. I like the truth but man does it hurt.
Hello AAHTNAMAS: my thought as I read your post: when I am told that I am pretty and beautiful, I don't believe it. So when I hear it, I think: that's nice, good thing someone thinks I am. I think I would be okay if I was in your place, as long as the boyfriend finds something important about me that is attractive and desirable and that he values this thing more than anything else. As long as he values me highly.
If he values most highly trustworthiness, for example, and you are trustworthy, and therefore he doesn't look for (his view of) physical beauty in another woman because he doesn't value physical beauty much, the you have what he wants! You got it!
Sometimes asking “what do you think” can be a very dangerous question.
It can backfire on us. (Does this dress make me look fat?)
You probably wanted to hear “I think you are the most beautiful person I know.” Instead - you got a brutally honest answer.
A more mature person would have used some tact. But younger guys are not that sophisticated.
So do yourself a favor and don’t ask him again. Just know that he stays with you because you ARE so beautiful in many ways that are important to him!
Far more importantly, do YOU think you're attractive? Your boyfriend is an insensitive clown, as many men are, so you're best to ignore his thoughtless reply. I'm more interested in why you asked him the question. What made you ask him that?