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How do I fix my relationship with my father in law? Help!

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Yesterday my FIL was talking to my husband about mutual ex-friends of the family. He told my husband the ex-friends would not be attending a child’s birthday party at his house this coming up weekend because the party is at my FIL House. My FIL owns a children’s birthday party business.
I was upset that our ex-friends would say such a thing so I asked one of our other friends if that was word for word what was said. I was just wanting the truth. My FIL is extremely mad that I wanted to find out the truth and he told me I had no right to contact my friend to find out what exactly was said.
Last night I called my FIL to find out why he was so upset and he verbally attacked me over the phone. I screamed back and we fought like idiots for what seemed like forever.
Today my FIL shows up at my house and asked what were my feelings toward the situation. I explained I wanted to find out the truth. Once I was done talking he asked if I had anything else to say. I apologized for him feeling like I was in his business even if they were my friends. He imminently started screaming and saying things like I am dead to him and he will never have anything to do with me ever! He called me names, he got up and down stomping through the house screaming on and on about how he wants nothing to do with me ever again. This went on for several minutes while I was in complete shock and crying, begging him not to do that. At one point my husband jumped in and said “Dad she is telling you she doesn’t want it to end like that”. He screamed more and then he said “give me a hug and tell me you love me and give me a few days to calm down” I gave him a hug and told him I loved him and he stormed out the door. I left and went on a long drive and cried till I couldn’t cry anymore.
I have always felt like he was a true dad to me. My dad died when I was in my 20’s. My FIL has been the only elder man in my life that I loved more than my dad. I’m so confused about the situation and I am deeply hurt. He accused me of doing things in the past that I had no part of but, when I would try to explain anything he would say he was talking and for me to shut my mouth. I couldn’t even get a word in to defend myself. He talked to me like I was dog sh*t.
I love my FIL & my MIL and we have been in each other’s lives for 14 years and he has always told me I was the daughter he never had. I just want to know, how do I fix it?! What can I do to make it better? I’m still so confused and broken hearted and I don’t want our family torn apart. 1/2 of me wants to explain to him how he is wrong but, the other half of me just wants it to go away and never happen again. I’m lost! What do I do?!

How do I fix my relationship with my father in law? Help!

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Hello LOST74:

Two questions for me to understand better: when you contacted the friends regarding your FIL's birthday party story, did what they say fit what your FIL said?

Second question: how has your husband dealt his whole life with his father's occasional rage explosions?

anita

How do I fix my relationship with my father in law? Help!

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Your FIL’s reaction seems a little extreme. Is this new behavior or has he always had this temperament? You don’t say how old he is, but he may have something physically going on with him, too.

He just might be a crotchity old man who likes control over who comes into his home. Probably best to stay out of his party choices. (There’s probably a back story about your FIL and this family)

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