Need relationship advice. Teenage sweethearts turned mid 20s haters
I need help!
I have been with my partner for 8 years, I was 17 when we got together him 21. He came into the relationship with a 1yr old I have brought this child up as my own. That's a whole nother story but we also have our own amazing beautiful baby boy together who is 19months.
My problems is we have absolutely no love between us anymore.
I don't know what to do. He is stubborn on a whole nother level, he doesn't tell me he loves me anymore, he is so distant I feel more like flat mates than partners. He doesn't try and be intimate, he won't spend time with me he sleeps 90% of the time he's lazy in all aspects.
I do everything I can to make him happy, I do everything, cook, clean, cater to him, I make sure our kids are happy, healthy, feed, clean, clothed, I take them out.
I don't know why I stick around,I say it's because I love him but I don't really know if I do love him anymore! We haven't had a whole happy day in many years we haven't spent any decent time with each other in over 3 years, when we do have time alone he's asleep or watching TV while I'm begging him for attention.
Anyone please, I know this is a big read but I need help & advice on what to do!
Thank you in advance.
To understand better I ask: was it different for the two of you living together before: was he engaged with you and the children before? If so, what happened to have changed the way it was?
When you asked him why he sleeps so much and is withdrawn from you and the children, what did he say?
I understand your concern and distress. This can be very difficult for all of you, especially the children. People change in many ways from their teens to their mid twenties, much of it neurologically. Our brain doesn’t mature until our mid twenties. This, coupled with our maturing and aggressive libido while in our teens, can go a long way in explaining what has happened over the years. But let’s focus on what we can do now.
When we are younger the romance takes over the need of being compatible with one another. After 8 years, both of you need to make a determined effort to maintain the romance in the relationship. This can be done by being imaginative and unpredictable. I will leave the rest to your and his imagination.
More importantly than your sexual relationship, is your compatibility or like mindedness, which obviously has changed since first meeting. This will take more energy and discipline from both of you. Begin by identifying your and his values and list them in order of their importance to each of you. Some common values for all of us are family, money, sex, friends, career, God, personal appearance, respect, happiness, etc. Once you have identified what is important to both of you, you can begin the resolution, restoration, and compromise. The emphasis may be on compromise. This will help you both understand why there are disagreements and “distance” between you.
The quality of your future relationship will depend on how willing both of you are in modifying your values to be more in line with those of the other. Good luck and please let us know how that works.