Am I bipolar?
I would go and ask a professional about this but I simply don't have the funds for that kind of thing. I don't know what's up with me in all honesty. I can go into complete fits of absolute misery and self hatred and then come back feeling fine within a few hours. Sometimes I don't experience this at all. I'll have times where I'll go a whole day feeling normal or a whole day feel badly without any sudden changes so that's why I don't believe I am bipolar I feel there's something else wrong. Sometimes I feel very much worthless and ugly and other times I feel sexy and beautiful and happy. Every relationship I've been in I've ruined it due to my lack of consistency and it's becoming frustrating. The guy I'm seeing now is a psychology major and plans to be a therapist he's just going to school for it though so it's not as though he's an expert. He's been trying to help me but I don't really want to open up to him about everything that's wrong with me I feel like it's some kind of unwritten rule to not date your therapist or maybe that's just in How I Met Your Mother. I feel normal. I feel like a regular person until I notice I'm hurting people I care about and getting angry for no reason with them. I'll have times where I don't want to be around anyone at all. I've pretty much successfully pushed away everyone in my life so that's fun. But all is well I'm about to cuddle up and go to sleep with the only man I've ever loved, my dog. Any advice would be nice.
You should really talk about this with a qualified mental health professional. You need to first go to a regular doctor and be truthful about what you're experiencing. You might feel that you can't handle the embarrassment of telling someone face to face what's happening to you, but it's very important that you do. It could be something as simple as a food intolerance, or a hormone imbalance. Or it could be something else. Whatever, it's something that you should discuss with someone qualified. Sending you a hug
Yes, your boyfriend cannot be your therapist for two reasons (one would be enough of a reason): he did not graduate, doesn't hold a certificate and he is your boyfriend. What you described, the changing in your feelings, do not read unusual to me. I am not a psychiatrist or any professional at all, but in the word bipolar, there is a suggestion of two (bi), suggesting a person experiences two extremes often, depressed or manic. Thing is, everybody experiences sadness some times and elation at other times. So I suppose we are all... on the spectrum of this or that mental diagnosis.
In your post I see two different things, connected and yet separate: your feelings and your behavior. There are way to manage your feelings (example: take a fast walk outdoors when you feel angry, feeling relaxed at the end of the walk), so to avoid behaving abusively to another when feeling angry.
Aim at not automatically reacting to your feelings any which way. Notice what you feel, notice how you feel like behaving, evaluate the behavior, if it is abusive, harmful to you and/ or to another person, choose to not execute that behavior.
It is not easy to do so when a person is feeling strongly, when... under the influence, so to speak, of an intense emotion. But it is possible through time and practice, and the learning of certain skills.