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From the eyes through the heart

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Relationship advice Hi everybody,

I have a story when I had a profesional short-course in summer. During the short course, we have several lecturers and they gave us lecture according to their profession. All of them are amazing and mostly sits in high and strategic position. I am very serious in this course because I am looking a way to build my career so I don't expect anything other than learning. However, one day, I got a lecture with a " special" teacher. Do you know why it's special? Because he gives me a special feeling. So, it goes the same as usual, the lecture explains and we listen. Between the time, I don't know how it happens, but suddenly when I lift my head and take a look at the teacher, his eyes meet my eyes and I feel a certain chemistry when I meet him that time. Do you ever feel catching someone eyes and suddenly you really feel like the butterfly goes around your stomach, your knee feels weak, and your blood rushes fast? That's my feeling exactly when our eyes got meet together. I just see his eyes like I do to other lecturer and I don’t feel such feeling to other, but to him, yes. He's quite charming and handsome, but I don't think his appearance is the strong reason for that feeling. The man I ever got click with is handsome. When I like a man, I admit that there's always a feeling when I stare at his eyes, but it's closer to "shy". It never goes like this. He stares at me for a moment and I also stare at him for a moment, while he's teaching without he moving his eyes. I feel very embarassed because that and shifts my look away.

I strongly think he feels that way too, because the next thing happens. What in the earth that makes a man like him, a Vice President, ask me about nonsense? After teaching, He asks the room "Who works in Bank?". He works as VP in big bank and I think it's still reasonable to ask this. Some answers but it doesn't turn into discussion between him and those who answer. There are so many professionals in the room to be his chat partner, however, out of nowhere, he then asks me directly "You are working in bank, aren't you?". I am very surprised. What makes him say I am working in bank? Do I look like a teller? Of course not. I am really like a student who just running away from class to escape the teacher. I think he has no reason to ask me anything, because I don't think I look outstanding that time, other than that "eyes meeting". It doesn't make sense at all so I just left blank for a while, but I answer him in the end that I am a new graduate and still searching job. It's very hard just to open my mouth because I am not expecting he asks me. It didn't continue for a while until he comes over me again and ask "Where do I want to work?". I told him that I am still searching and he's like waiting me to throw more questions so I just ask technical things that belongs to his profession. He explains a lot then he asks me where do I study, my major, and…. Don't you know, we are from the same college and the same major? He's around 7 years older than me.

We continue this conversation very long until we don't realize that everybody's going home. He's too. I think he actually realizes that nobody is in the room other than us because he stands in front of me. He can see everybody in the room. However, I don't see any sign that he wants to end the discussion and wants to go home until I realize myself there's none other than us in the room. It's just too long for us to be together in the room as strangers, as teacher and student, as a Vice President and…a pile of sand…. I'm very embarassed with him so I choose to pick up my belongings as a sign to end the chats. He's too. However, because I haven't signed presence list, I should sign it first and, guess what…. he waits me. I don't expect him to wait at all because it took a while and he can just ask permission to go home first. He sees me from his right sight whether I am done or not, then when I am, he walks preceding me.

We walk together from the class room and I am staying behind him. I am very nervous that time. But the more nervous thing is while we are walking, he gave me his ID card saying "If you want to ask about anything, or if you want to seek a referral, just email me here." I am overwhelmed that time. I can't imagine I am initially just attracted from the first sight then it turns out this way. Like : ask about anything freely? He is a VP. Seek a referral? He's VP and I am a new graduate. This is just a precious access that not any body has privilege to. It's like a dream. I go home with a happy heart.

I don't want to hope a lot, but I don't know how to reassure myself. I am blinded by the attraction so I need so many reassurance that this just a common thing. Please share your opinion :

1. Do you think what I experience is indeed normal to happen? Or it's just my lust that makes it appear "special"?

2. Does "love at first sight" really work? Do you think he attracts with me too, or it's just a concidence that he chooses to engage in chat with me?

3. Do you think the way he gives his card indicates that he wants to connect me also or what?

From the eyes through the heart

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Hello Vnna:

From my experience sitting in an audience, watching a person giving a lecture, it seemed to me, again and again, that the lecturer was looking at me individually. There were times when I felt infatuated with a particular lecturer and I imagined he was feeling the same, that he was looking at me individually and having feelings for me.

I was wrong, again and again, he did not look at me, only in my direction. It only appears that he was looking at me. It is similar to a few people in a room watching TV: it looks like, to every person watching the TV, that the actor is looking directly at him or her.

Regarding the other aspects of your share: it may be that he is interested in getting to know you more and/ or that he is attracted to you and it is possible that he is not these things. Maybe he is very friendly and it so happened that on that date he spent his time with you. Perhaps notice in the future, if you attend more of his lectures: does he talk to another student following a lecture, like he did with you.

Of course, if you send him an email, you can observe his responses: does he suggest to date you?

Please do not be overly impressed by him being a vice president. If he was to initiate dating you, don't be grateful that a vice president asked you for a date. Get to know him first, as a person. Is he a decent man, honest.. what does he want from you, what is his motivation. Notice and learn so that if there is a relationship with him (or with anyone else), that such a relationship works for you, not against you, one where you are valued.


From the eyes through the heart

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Yeah I know your meaning. I try hard not to feel special too. But it's just very strange feeling that I had never ever had before.
Actually it's not my imagination. But it happens true, like when I lift up my chin and look at the board (I look the teacher too) and that feeling arises suddenly. It's not my straight direction, but he looks at the eyes. I also observe that he never asks somebody in person, but to the classroom. Thus, I feel it's very strange. I think the one that makes it strange is not the condition he talks to me, but from the way I look into his eyes and "feel something" until he finally asks me in person without reason. Yeah, I can find any reasonable judgement right now.
However, I have no interest in sending him email because I don't want to be destroyed by empty hope. I am still in the middle of building my self and my career. So I just focus on that.

From the eyes through the heart

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Hello again Vnna:

Focusing on building yourself and your career reads like a good plan to me.

Regarding the lecturer/ vice president: notice that you are not sure if what you feel indicates reality, this is why you are afraid of that "empty hope" you mentioned.

I don't know, of course, if he is looking at you individually during lectures, or more at you individually than at others or what his thoughts and intents are. I can't read his mind and neither can you, I suppose. I do know that sometimes we feel something so strongly, that we believe it is true to reality.. when it is not.

This is why it is important to look for evidence (in his case, that would be words and actions on his part) of what is real before making significant choices in our lives. The evidence may support or refute what our feelings lead us to believe.


From the eyes through the heart

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First, I hope you are over18.

That would make him 25 - and in a powerful position to where you are, as a first year student.

He may have honorable intentions, in which case he will find you again (he knows the school and class,)

Just be sure he’s not a hungry lion and you are the little bunny.

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