One sided friendship
My friend is supporting a friend who is suicidal. In the past when my friend was suicidal,I was there for them. I would go over,listen to their problems on the phone and reassure them. Yet when i was grieving the loss of my cat and another friend was sick,and now a relatives toe is trying to be saved due to health problems,and my problem with food was depressing me and my anxiety was high again,(i have reccurent relapses with anxiety over food),they told me to snap out of it as far as it goes with the cat and food problem and changed the subject to them and their suicidal friend when i mentioned my relatives toe or the friend that had pneumonia a few months earlier to my relatives toe being bad. When I really needed them they trivialized it,yet when they were getting anxious and suicidal over their medical conditions and a sleep apnea machine,i was there for them. I don't know what to do. Should I just let the friendship fizzle out or just let them ignore me at the mental health place that we all go to and them only ring me when they have a problem and expect me to answer the phone straight away,yet if I ring I wait up until as long as 5 days for them to reply?
Thank you for that. That is good advice.
Fishingnet, I want to add my ten cents. I actually have to disagree with the current line of thinking here, and I'll explain why.
Look, a lot of the time people ate unfair, and selfish. But you need to be on good terms with the people in your life. It sucks that they're failing to have sympathy for your cat and your coworker, and that they're (probably) being overdramatic about the potential of someone else to commit suicide. Let them get caught up in the drama, and don't rely on them for deep emotional support.
I know all too well what it's like to go through years without friends, and to constantly fail to maintain friendships I worked on for years. You have to find the positives in people and try to exploit those. Everyone has negatives, you just have to be able to handle them.
I have one friend who gets kind of selfish, he's one of those people who only really cares about things he already has an interest in, and everything else is a waste of time to him unless he eventually finds something he appreciates about it. Trying to talk sometimes, and introduce him to things I like, he just kind of cuts me off and diverts the topic back to something he wants to talk about. It's annoying, but other things he does shows that he generally appreciates our friendship, and I realize it's difficult for stubborn people to open up - so I appreciate those rare moments of progress.
I also had a similar situation to yours where a friend of mine received a lot of sympathy from our other friends because he seemed suicidal. It irritated me because I feel like he and I have some relatable problems and I feel like I am just handling things in a more positive way while he just sulks sometimes. It struck a nerve when a friend said that he is sensitive and implied that I am being insensitive, which is not true. But I let it slide because I realize that maybe they still don't know me well enough, and I realize that my 'suicidal' friend has some other things going on that make his situation complicated - such as he is a father and has had a traumatic event occur in his life.
Life is too complicated as it is to have more enemies, or people who you are on poor terms with. Comfort your coworker and mourn your pet, and let this other stuff roll off of you. Maybe eventually you'll find more thoughtful friends, but it's not worth it to simply lose the ones you have now.
Life is a balancing act.
Positive vs Negatives
Sorry to hear about your cat. Our pets are part of the family, and this heartbreak is worse, when our friends don’t understand.
You seem like a very compassionate person, this is your GIFT. Not everyone has empathy for others.
But, we can’t FORCE our friends to care about our needs. It must come from the heart.
We all have vices that we go to out of habit when we are at a loss. Yours could be food, if this isn’t a long term fix, it could be causing you more trouble.
So, I challenge you to continue to use your gift, and show your friends how compassionate and loyal you are.
You mentioned this suicidal person: they are either desperate or looking for attention. We need to be careful, not to judge this lightly.
Allow them to see what a true friend looks like.
Hopefully, with patience your friends will come around and be there for you too.
Thank you Merci,that makes sense. And thank you for your kind words. My other friends see my kindness and empathy. I shan't change now. I am who I am. They may become more communicative with me,they may not,time will tell. And Altreal,I don't want to lose them. Maybe me not ringing them once or twice a week will give them food for thought,especially as they moaned in the past that I never hardly rung them so I started to. They raised a concern of theirs with me and I listened and made the effort. I rang and spoke to them nearly 2 weeks ago. I got the "I've been busy" line. Last Friday they rang me. I didn't answer that very moment and I got a "If that's the way you want to play it,then stuff you." I found that rich considering that i would ring and wait and 3,4 or 5 days later they'd ring back or i would have to ring back after 5 days had gone by. I'll concentrate on the friends who appreciate me.