When is enough, enough?
I have this friend who at one point I would have called my best friend. Now? I don't even think of her as a friend, to be honest.
We used to be super supportive of each other and would trust each other with everything. She was the first person I would turn to with my problems. Over the past year or so, though, there has been a shift in our relationship. Anytime I say I want to try something to be a better me (such as working out more or going on a diet) she gives me some negative response like "Oh you're too lazy for that." or "You won't survive any sort of diet." She critics me aggressively and I can't take it anymore. We get into arguments almost every time we talk and I really just don't want to be around her anymore.
I have brought this toxic behavior up to her before but she always turns it around on me to make it seem like it's just my imagination. When I bring it up to my brother, who has been around us enough to see, he agrees with my observation so I know it isn't just me making it up.
The most difficult part is that we are roommates so avoiding her completely is hard when she is home. I say "when" because more often than not she stays at her parents or finds a pet sitting job.
So when is it ok to give up on a friendship?
I know it's easier said than done, but now is the time for action and not words.
Your friend's criticism is irrelevant. At best, you can use it as fuel to drive you to prove them wrong. But arguing over their defeatist outlook is pointless.
If you want to begin this diet, it is something you will need to find the strength from within to make happen. You need to simply do it. Attempt it. No excuses.
Rise above the adversity and don't let it control you. It's the only way.
You started your post with "I have this friend" and ended it with "when is it okay to give up on a friendship?"
According to my definition she is not a friend and this is not a friendship. In my definition aggression practiced by a person against each other means there is no friendship. It is okay to end a relationship or acquaintance with a person who practices aggression with you anytime.
She is your roommate. I would suggest to no longer share anything with her and when possible, to no longer have her as your roommate.
Friendship is a big part of all of our lives. Good for you for reaching out to us in an attempt to save this history and acquaintance. Most friendships are worth saving.
This appears to be more of her issue than yours. Perhaps what has happened in this relationship was an event in her life. Can you approach her in a non-judgmental, non-threatening way to determine why the differences in your friendship? Can you be specific so she does not dodge the issue with generalizations? For example, ask her what makes her think you would be lazy when she has always been supportive in the pass? Can she give specific examples and reasons of pass failures of yours? If not, why the non-support?
With all that being said, there may be more important things than friendship. Take the time to inventory your top values. Where does friendship fall in relationship to your mental health, self-respect, honesty, loyalty, trust, etc. I think you get the idea.
Let us know how it goes.
Hi, I believe "to have a friend, you must be a friend" And so often in life friendships do end. Friends don't treat friends like sh*t. She seems to be way too negative, demeaning and as long as she continues to bring you down, she is happy to be your friend.
It might be time to think about moving to your own apartment. Your home needs to be your safe haven.