How a yeast infection destroyed me within hours
On a weird subject as it may appear to some, but a very serious struggle for me at this point of my life. So yesterday I got on a treatment for a yeast infection I got probably 1-1.5 weeks ago.
Let's be clear about one thing. I had no idea yeast infections even existed. I was not familiar with the symptoms, and I had no idea of how annoying and disgusting they could be (in my opinion). I also didn't know they were very common and harmless if on their mild form and treated soon. I always thought diseases of the genitals could only be caught if you had a nasty hygiene, or if you weren't careful enough and fucked around with dirty people that probably carried diseases. Now that was never my case. I like to be clean and I wash several times a day, I maintain a very good hygiene and I get quite hysterical if, let's say, a bathroom or a rag or bedsheets are not clean enough to my eye.
So, I'm female, I am 17 years old. 1-1.5 weeks ago I started itching on my vaginal area. At first I paid no attention to it because sometimes you can get itchy from shaving or a hot weather under winter clothes. I thought the first was the case. For days it kept going on and off but still I paid no attention. I had never gotten a yeast infection and was not aware of their existence at this point. I am sexually active for two years now with just one partner my whole life. I was not his first whatsoever, and he gave me an HPV he probably got from someone else, and was not aware of. I discovered that a year ago and was devastated. Again, health issues terrify me. Not only to they terrify me, if I get one, they destroy me at so many levels and in so many ways. And when it comes to genital health (and I'm a girl), I get so damn crazy. Of course my boyfriend was very apologetic, always by my side, and very comforting. The last one just doesn't work with me unfortunately. Unless you're a doctor, I suppose? I kept checking in with my gynaecologist for several tests and had everything under control. The reason I mention this is because right now with the infection going on I feel even worse than last year during my first encounter with sexual health.
So it was not until two days ago that I realised something is going on. The itchiness was constant, and so so bad. It moved even further down and I began freaking out. I looked all my symptoms up and the internet found that it was a yeast infection. I had all the symptoms and was pretty sure it was just that when I visited the doctor. She confirmed it and gave me a treatment to last for 4-5 days. She told me it's not serious or dangerous.
Now I wouldn't be writing this if it stopped at that.
The reason I'm writing this is because this yeast infection destroyed me emotionally the minute I took the guess of it.
It got to me so bad and so deep I constantly overthink, I feel dirty, disgusting, I want to take my skin off and cut myself in half to get rid of the part of my body that is causing this. I follow my treatment as instructed and the symptoms don't bother me although the problem is still there since I'm only one day on treatment of course. I want to use up all the product of the treatment on the issue right fucking now which I know is irrational and obviously I'm not going to. I want to turn myself inside out and start scrubbing it until it's clean and devoid of anything bad. I know what I'm saying sounds insane and I probably need a psychologist for this but I'm feeling so depressed. This infection destroyed my self esteem completely and keeps me locked in my head and room. I share my house (3 floors thankfully) with my entire family of 4 more people and it makes me so uncomfortable. I have my own bathroom but I feel like an outcast. Like I should be somewhere else or something? I feel so awkward and uneasy even though nobody knows apart from my mother which I'm still uncomfortable with but well I couldn't keep it in anymore it would drive me crazy. I also let my boyfriend know. Nobody beats me up for it or makes me feel the way I feel, and I think I've looked up probably every video and discussion on yeast infections online to calm myself down. There is even a BuzzFeed video on YouTube with several women laughing it off. But here I am being severely depressed about it. I have a lot of common sense when it comes to other people but when it comes to me I get so sad and irrational about issues. I believe I have several emotional and social complexes although nobody ever makes me feel like I'm not wanted. I am very sensitive, very emotional and this entire story is slowly driving me crazy and hurts me extremely to the point where I hate myself. Obviously I am not in the mood to have sex or go out anymore, or to be alive for that matter. And that probably destroys people around me too. I've been a self-harmer for a little bit over two years now and have been clean for some weeks. For this year, my self harm incidents which only my boyfriend and some friend know about have been very few. But now I fear my self is going to hand me the blades again.
Again, I know a yeast infection is not that serious. I know I am irrational and paranoid about this and this whole thing will probably seem funny to most people. But it has destroyed me, within hours of its acknowledged existence. I guess me feeling so crap can earn my issue a place here.
Call me Sky, thank you so much
OK- You must get a grip, THIS Will NOT Destroy YOU. Most woman will get a yeast infection in their life time ( maybe two). Your 17 years old, so this is new to you; however you know the facts yet you allow your brain to distort the facts. This is a bacteria and when you lose more of your "good bacteria" a yeast infection can ensue. In no way you should be self harming yourself. The behavior of self harming is the real issue here. The yeast infection is the excuse for the behavior.
Continue taking your medication-but please seek some professional help to address this mental issue.
ps: There is a over-the-counter treatment- Monistate Cream which I hear works well, confer with your doctor regarding all medication.