Weak man, uncomfortable and awkward, is this normal or fixable? Help!!!!!
I’m sick of my boyfriend acting like he doesn’t know what to do or how to be in a relationship! I’m 30, he’s 40, and I have always dated older guys because I prefer an extremely traditional relationship. I function better and am a better person when I’m the follower in this male female relationship. Aka I do NOT want to be the dominant one!!! At all.
Plus I like relying on the knowledge and older person provides in a relationship. I like to be the cleaning/cooking type, and want him to be the typical strong man/take out the trash only type. But he never takes the initiative to start anything as far as giving me a kiss, holding my hand, etc. I got home the other day after a 10 hour day, and we did an awkward “dance” just trying to walk through a hallway when he was deciding whether to kiss me or not. I finally just hopped up and kissed him (a peck as usual, the only kinds of kisses we ever have) just to end the awkwardness. We’ve lived together for 3 years! And we’re friends/dating for 5 years before that, it’s not like we don’t know each other and it’s not a “new” relationship. Why is this still so awkward? We also are only intimate about once every month on average because it’s just so uncomfortable and awkward. The rare times he tries to initiate sex it’s always at the wrong time or extremely awkward and uncomfortable feeling so we only do it when I initiate it, which as a woman isn’t too often! I’ve been married before, and been in “live together” relationships before and have never had this issue with anyone I’ve dated. My previous relationships consisted of kissing/sex/ect. many times a week but usually more. Shouldn’t he just kiss me when he wants to and not have to think it over? why is he so awkward and uncomfortable in life in general? And how do I get him to “step up as a man” without saying those mean words? We’re headed towards marriage and I feel like I should break up with him because I just can’t live like this!!! . Fml...
While I understand that you have your expectations and needs in the relationship, it is important to realize that he may not fit those needs. You can be honest with him and tell him what you are wanting. Perhaps given some more explicit instruction he will know what is expected of him and act accordingly. Yet his shyness and awkwardness may very well just be a part of who is is. Trying to change that or "fix" him in order to fit your idea of what a man should be would be doing a disservice to him. So give him some direction, and if he cannot follow it or does not feel comfortable doing so, then do not push it. And remember to consider that he might not be what you really want or need.