Husband kissed another woman
Let me give you some background to the situation. Back in October 2016, my husband and I were having major problems in our marriage. I had just finished nursing school and was raising our 3 year old son by myself and working full time. My husband was a truck driver and worked many, many long hours and was often out of town. We fought about this constantly! He also felt like I didn’t listen to him when it came to how my parents raised our son. They would let him do things that we didn’t and I never stood up to them, and my husband felt like I didn’t care what he had to say. He went back and forth to his parents house a couple times. Finally, on October 22nd, I was fed up and told him that I thought we needed some time apart. He was gone for a couple weeks. He finally came back home November 7th and we worked on us. Things have been great since. However, during that time, I felt abandoned because I regretted it as soon as I told him to go and asked him to come back home multiple times and he wouldn’t. He was mad and stubborn I guess. One night, he told me he was never coming home, and I reached out to a guy I use to work with because I knew he would respond and I was so alone and hurt and needed someone to confide in. We went out on a date and kissed a couple times that night. We talked for a few more days, then decided we needed to work on our families, and haven’t talked since. I didn’t tell my husband this until January of this year (2018). This would have been the prime time for him to tell me about his mistake, but he didn’t because I was going through post partum depression and he didn’t want to upset me more. I forgot to mention I found out I was pregnant In August before he left in October. He finally told me the beginning of this month (April 2018), that he also confided in an old friend during that time. He says it was strictly as a friend thing because he needed someone to talk to and confide in and that she listened when I didn’t. I have spoke to the girl and she says that always spoke about us and our marriage and how much he loved me. On October 19th, he sent her a dozen roses to her work. He said he didn’t mean anything by them and it was just a thank you for listening. She had also just left a very bad relationship. They hung out 3 or 4 times, always out In public, never at each other’s house. The last day they ever hung out or talked, they popped kiss before they said goodbye. When he got home, he wrote a pretty deep note to her, but then immediately threw it away and told her he could never talk to her again because it was a mistake and he wanted his family. That he wanted me and his family. He says he never wanted her. They haven’t spoke since, I know for a fact. He is extremely remorseful and knows it was the biggest mistake of his life. He wasn’t In his right mind because of never sleeping due to work and knows he fucked up. He says she meant nothing to him and I believe him because I know he wasn’t himself and he did come home. He even says he doesn’t remember from that month he was gone because his head was so messed up and even thinks he was going though some depression. He has forgiven me. But I’m having a hard time letting go and forgetting, and even wondering if I should. Any advice is welcome!
you both made the same mistake of making out with someone else while on break from your marriage. he has forgiven you and you should forgive him likewise. you both need to focus on your marriage and forget relationships with others. it seems you both are ignoring your lovers so this your forgotten past. smooth out your relationship problems and move forward to a more loving and understanding relationship. everything else is of little importance.
He sought comfort and a listening partner during a stressful time - and you did too!
So why do YOU hang on to what he was doing during this time?
Perhaps because she got the kind if attention you wanted, and that makes you angry.
It sounds like there are still unresolved issues between you two. Marriage counseling can help you figure out what the core issue is here.
I guess because I feel like his went a step further. They talked for a couple weeks and with the flowers, makes it seem like a relationship and feelings were starting. That’s why it’s hard for me. Even though he swears it was just a friend thing and he never had feelings for her or wanted to be with her. But who sends flowers to someone they don’t care for?
She probably meant something to him and the flowers were a gesture of that meaning, to him. But then, why shouldn't she have meant something to him, in his loneliness driving a truck, alone on the road with nothing but his thoughts about a wife that is angry at him and won't talk to him?
The fact that a man is married - or that a woman is married- does not cancel a person's need for company, for someone to talk to, for someone to listen. We all need these things, single or married.
I am not suggesting extra marital affairs are okay. Not at all. What I am suggesting is that he is not a criminal for needing what all humans need.
You have a responsibility to him, to be there for him, to talk to him, to listen to him with empathy and respect. You are responsible to each other this way.