My fiance still listens to his mother at 54
I am 53 and in love with a 54yr old man, whose mother lives with him(normal in India). We were supposed to get married this September. But when he told his mother she asked him to postpone it for a year as she felt that as his previous marriags didnt work, this is also not going to work out. We then decided to have a court marriage which also she shot down. Now she tells him asks him if he really needs a woman in his life, and hen he said he does, she has the gall to tell him that he should have sex with me but not marry me. He takes her on holidays about twice a year and ever weekend he takes her out for dinner and icecream. He says he s a man who keeps his word but till now everytime he proises me something he doesnt keep his word as mum doesnt approve. I had a big fight with him about her and since then he has changed. He sayd I cant talk disparingly about the person who is so close to his heart. When I ask him why he has to let his mum decide what we should do he gets angry.when I ask him why we have to postpone the wedding he says it will make his mother happy. Of late he is not the same in his behaviour to me. He doesnt want to talk to me like he did earlier. he says he's stressed about problems with his job, but he still does all the things he always does with his mom and his friends. Like he takes his mum out for icecreams on the weekends-that hasnt changed & he meets his friends sunday morning-that too hasnt changed. He's only cut time that he spends with me. And he has totally stopped using the terms of endearment that he always used to use earlier. Also h gets angry for silly things which never happened earlier. Earlier he ued to call me through the day and ask me what i was doing, now he rarely does. I have no idea what to do. This is my first relationship. I was married at 20 to the man my parents chose, and i was widowed some years ago. I have fallen in love for the first time in my life but I dont know whether he's losing interst in me. Please advice!
This is very unfortunate. Mentally, he is owned by his mother. His mother owns him. It is not difficult to do, for a mother to own her son: she starts early, her son being a young boy. What she tells him then, he believes. She continues now as she did before.
She can't do that to an adult stranger. She was able to do it to a young boy.
I wish it wasn't so.