PeoplesProblems Logo

Lifesyle choices

Default profile image
Relationship advice Hello and I'm new to this so bare with me.

I'm 60 yrs old and my wife is 10 yrs younger,Im in good health and have a worthwhile career,my wife also works so financially things are good.My wife has always been a big girl and that obviously didn't put me off marrying her in the first place,so I'm am not sizeist if you know what I mean
As time has gone on I have tried to keep relatively fit and watch what I eat,so I have gradually lost weight,im not skinny by amy means but ive lost some timber,and am now at a nice level in my eyes.

My wife does not have the same outlook as me as far as wanting to be more trim and as a general result ,more healthy.This is causing me anxiety and is affecting my relationship with her....She is anti exercise in any shape or form,and although ive tried to encourage us both to be more active,it always falls on deaf ears......She will not discuss it and I don't know who to talk to about it.Its making me sad and also making me not want to pursue any active stuff myself...Health wise she must know its a bad move but is happy to bury her head in the sand....Don't want to break up with her,but its affecting me ,just wish she would wake up...PS I'm not wanting her to be skinny,I prefer the bigger build lady.

Lifesyle choices

Default profile image
Hi Mr. Toffo,

Well, one thing you have to realize is that the issue is your wife's health, not your marriage. If your issue is that she's too stubborn to exercise, then that's what we gotta deal with. Her health should be at stake, not your marriage... You did not marry her for the size of her body (though it can be one of the many factors that got you attracted to her, but it certainly is not the only reason), but you married her because of love (hopefully I am right). And love is not between two healthy or two fit individuals. Love is between two forgiving and understanding individuals.

Another thing you have to realize is nobody wants to be forced into doing something he/she was not accustomed to do before. If your wife's hobby is knitting and she forced you to knit, how would you react? But of course, exercising has more health benefits than knitting. So if you're really concerned about your wife, what you should be doing is on how to convince and motivate her to take that very first step instead of starting an argument, or forcing, or whatever. If you'll approach her the way you did over the past few months/years when it comes to exercise, you'll get the same results - she'd decline.

You have to try to make her understand the importance of exercise without her feeling offended, judged, forced, or whatever. So maybe, first is to learn what makes her move...does she like to dance? Does she like to camp? Does she like to eat, or watch a movie? If she likes to dance, then maybe that could be your common ground for exercising...same with camping or hiking. If she likes to eat or watch a movie, you can find a genre or a show that involves dieting and exercising. I am not really sure what approach you have to give to her, but one thing I am sure of is you can't do anymore what you're doing before cause it will be ineffective to her. The thing is, you got to sell to her that the idea of exercise is beneficial to the human body. So maybe you can start walking first...like walking around your village or through the woods... It will sweat her off a little. Or maybe you can ask her to play tennis or badminton since it's fun, and at the same time an exercise. Maybe going to the gym does not sound really attractive to hear cause it can appear boring to some people.

You know, the ultimate goal is to be able to make her move - not just by going to the gym - but by simply moving, like walking, jogging, dancing, sports, whatever you could think of. You're the only one who can figure what activity will suit her best cause I do not know what your wife wants. You just have to be creative. And if you really love her and if your relationship is important to you, you have to be patient.

Regards,

Just_Helping

Lifesyle choices

Default profile image
Hello Toffo:

Your wife probably hears over and over again about the benefits of healthful nutrition, exercise and body weight. I don't think anyone can escape the abundant information on the matter, on TV, magazines, anywhere and everywhere. She may have tried in the past to lose weight, again and again and became very frustrated with the process and now she is resistant.

If so, any more suggestions on your part will continue to fall to enforce her already strong resistance. The best you can do, I am thinking, is show her nothing but acceptance for her lifestyle choices.

The only chance for her to adopt better health practices is if she feels this unwavering, unconditional acceptance from you.

anita

Lifesyle choices

Default profile image
Try to talk to your wife and explain your views on her body. In many cases, this helps.

Lifesyle choices

Default profile image
Hi there and thanks for the response....I cant even discuss it with her without her getting angry and storming off...I just cannot get my head around anybody this day and age ,with all the things we know about lifestyle ,not be prepared to admit they have a problem and to address it .

My theory is that it does bother her ,but doing something about it bothers her a much much more,and I cant motivate her and she definitely wont motivate herself....so I cant see a way to alter things

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-0