22M here. Was dating a girl for about 5 months, first GF. Things are great. We’re BOTH talking about how happy we are, we’re BOTH talking about stuff to do this spring and summer.
Easter weekend I stayed there Thursday and Friday night and was gonna go with her up to her parents house for Easter Saturday night. Saturday midday I leave thinking I’m gonna see her in a few hours when she’s done working. About 30 min after I leave I get a text with a very thin excuse as to why I should maybe “take a rain check” on going to Easter. I immediately get a pit on my stomach and think somethings not right, but I hold onto hope that maybe I’m just over thinking it.
So Saturday night and Sunday morning I say I love you and she doesn’t say it back. At this point I’m driving myself crazy, so I just ask, “Are we still good?” No reply for like 3 hours, I send another, “Hello?” Then I get the reply, “No I don’t think so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and idk what I want in life, I don’t think we’re gonna work out, I’m sorry”. I’m completely blindsided by this. I’m sitting here falling more and more for her and then this happens. I text multiple times asking to “Call me please, I don’t get what’s happening” I never get a reply and she removes me from Snapchat and Facebook by the next morning still with no contact.
I spend the rest of Sunday numb in front of the TV. So after 2 days of feeling the worst I’ve ever felt, I decide to just send what I’m feeling to her just to get it off my chest, not really expecting a reply. She does reply with something like “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused and don’t know what I want in life, and I realized we actually don’t have anything in common. Its not fair to you if I’m not in 100% and I cant” I ask if she thinks she’ll get past this confusion, if she thinks we’ll ever work? She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t think so”. I say “well I can’t make you want to be with me, I’ll always remember our time together and I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She says, “thank you, don’t think this was an easy decision for me, I just need to do this for myself”. I end with “well have a great life”. Any plans I had or things I was looking forward to were with her. The smart, logical part of brain knows I need to work on getting over her and moving on, but that dumb, emotional part of my brain in the back of my head keeps saying, “Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she’ll get over this confusion she’s having, maybe, maybe, maybe….”
I’ve talked to some people on other sites and I’ve gotten some mixed opinions. First of all, this was hers and my first relationship, so there’s no ex resurfacing. I know she’s almost done with college and interning so has to find a “real” job now…I know she has a lot of tests to take to finalize college. I know she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the area she’s in for college or go back to her hometown, which ultimately is only an hour away. So I feel like with all those things she had no control over, breaking up with me was something she could control. I had already met her parents before so it wasn’t the stress of that on Easter.
I feel maybe my intensity just overwhelmed her and I just need to back off for a bit and maybe she’ll change her mind. I feel I took her for granted and got to routine with her after such a short time. Things she did in the past week tell me that she’s conflicted. On Wednesday she said, “I’m so damn happy!” and invited me to her Uncle’s wedding. Friday night she leaned over and initiated the kiss goodnight. Saturday we laid in bed all day cuddling. Also she was the first one to say “I love you” about a month before breaking up.
I’m trying to move on, but I can’t stop checking my phone for a message. Or wanting to send the message myself. I’m at 39 days of no contact.
I just do not think that she felt the same feelings for you as you do towards her. If people love each other, they do not do that.
I wish she told you more than she did. She really didn't tell you her reason or reasons. So you in turn ask others, online what her reasons may be and you try to figure it out yourself.
If only she told you, you wouldn't be guessing and wondering and you would have the opportunity to learn from this experience.
Reads like she is polite, saying "I am sorry", and reads like she didn't want to hurt your feelings by not saying much and instead pointing to herself as being confused. She may be confused but clear enough to want the breakup. So there are things she didn't tell you.
Too late you think to ask her, ask her so that you can learn from the experience (not for the purpose of resuming the relationship)?