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The cat's a homewrecker!

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Relationship advice So my BF & I have been together almost 2 years and approximately a year ago we inherited his grandma's sister's cat, after they both passed away.

Overall, our relationship is amazing EXCEPT I'm jealous of the stupid cat. I know it sounds absolutely preposterous and plain crazy but hear me out.

I was in an extremely abusive relationship for 10 years...I've gone to counseling & therapy...I'm doing the best that I can to work thru my issues. But this problem is causing me to backslide tremendously and I don't know how to get my BF to realize this is a serious issue and work with me to fix the problem.
I'll try to explain what he does and hopefully someone has some advice.

#1 He makes me feel like he cares so much more about this cat than me. For example, last week I had a terrible migraine when I picked him up from work. Honestly, worst one I've ever had...I was crying when he gets in the car, he doesn't acknowledge that I'm crying/hurting. He doesn't ask what's wrong, and definitely didn't ask if could help me in anyway...for reasons I don't care to explain, cat is also in car...it starts to cough up a nasty hairball and I pick him up by the scruff of the neck and put him in the floor, in the car mat. (Easier to clean instead of my backseat & my clothing he was laying on. BF gets angry at me for picking the little bastard up like that. (mind you, I still have a skull splitting migraine...after cat finishes, BF cradles cat, petting him and consoling him. All the while I sit beside him in complete & utter shock. He never once asked me if I was OK, tried to make me feel better or even acknowledge something was wrong with me.

At night when we get in bed, (this happens almost nightly and makes me feel terrible) I will put my arms around him to cuddle, only to realize he's got his arms around that damn cat, snuggling him. In the middle of the night, he never reaches out for me but will get up and go get the cat if he's not in bed.

I'm so embarrassed about this, and extremely hurt. He makes me feel like the cat means more to him and that the stupid furball always trumps me. He pays the cat more attention, and definitely shows the cat affection than me. Any time I try to bring this issue up and discuss it with him, he says I'm being crazy, it's ridiculous and I'm wrong to feel like that.

I know I have my issues and I've been working so hard to repair the damage that has been done to me... But this is driving me mad! My self esteem/confidence is almost nonexistent ATM and I struggle everyday not to sink into depression. This has also made me absolutely despise the cat and he hasn't done anything wrong but I hate him for being part of the issue. Getting rid of him is absolutely not an option, BF would have a conniption fit.

So how can I get my BF to understand my feelings, and realize he plays a huge role in why I feel this way about the cat?

The cat's a homewrecker!

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Hello Zenkidriftv:

The two of you can use some understanding regarding the cat and each other. Regarding your understanding: maybe it is not that he loves the cat more than he loves you, maybe it is that it is easier for him to love the cat, simple. On the other hand it is complicated and confusing for him to love you. For example, if the cat is in trouble he comforts the cat, done deal. On the other hand, when you are in trouble, as in having a migraine, and you are crying, in the past when he did comfort him, maybe (unlike the cat) you pushed him away, maybe you told him that what he was doing doesn't help you (unlike the cat that says nothing), so he felt helpless with you. Therefore he didn't say or do anything last time you had a migraine.

You can ask him if that is what is going on, see what he says. Take it from there.

anita

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