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I’m terrified to end it but I can’t convince mysef to stay

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I don’t feel attracted to my husband anymore . I don’t believe I love him like I should .... we’ve been discussing it since February and it’s not getting any better. He doesn’t want to let go. We both are scared to raise our kids together but seperate . They are very young. I’m not able to financially leave yet . I start a full time job in December (a world away it feels) and haven’t found anything yet this summer . I’m terrified to leave . I’m terrified to tell his family who I love so much ..... to see the looks of hatred on their face . I’m scared to start over with my kids. I’m scared to finally be alone. Every day is just getting worse . My husband knows I’m unsure if I love him. He knows we will most likely seperate at the end of summer and all I see is pain in his eyes but I can’t convince myself to love him anymore . I feel like I’ve slowly been chipped away with every disagreement and there’s just nothing I can love about him other then he’s a great father and will always be a great father . If anyone has any tips for surviving this summer together with a man who loves me dearly and wants me to return that love it’d be appreciated or how to get through seperation :(

I’m terrified to end it but I can’t convince mysef to stay

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Hello Mamamia: Are you considering fixing the marriage or are you sure that you want a separation and divorce? If you are considering, somewhat, to stay in the marriage, will you share with me what killed your love for him; is it the disagreements you mentioned? anita

I’m terrified to end it but I can’t convince mysef to stay

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If the only thing keeping you with him is fear, you need to face it an let him go. It is not fair to stay in a one-sided relationship, especially if you know you're going to leave as soon as you can. I understand your situation very well, because I've been there. I was married for 24 years. I wasn't happy for a lot of those years, but was terrified to leave for many of the same reasons you listed. It's the decision that took way too long, and I should have made it much sooner. Once I made the decision, it was much easier than I thought it would be. And now, I get angry with myself for putting us both in that agonizing limbo for too long while I got up my nerve. Spend time with and on yourself. Do whatever makes you feel alive and connected to yourself as an individual. Indulge your passions, spend time with your own friends and family, and take better care of yourself. I'd stopped doing those things, and I'd lost a big part of myself, and my "spark". Once I got it back, walking away wasn't really even a decision, because it was clearly the right thing for all concerned. And it was not nearly as scary as I'd let myself believe. It was hard. There were days I doubted myself. But it didn't take very long to know we were both better off. Our kids were actually fine with the split. We were happier and LESS stressed, which made us better parents, and just better people in general. I finally realized- it's my life. It didn't matter how anyone else reacted to my decision to get happier and healthier. I missed his family at first, but once I moved on, I found my own tribe whose love isn't dependant on my relationship status, and am so much happier for it. I realized that anyone that cared more about their own judgments/feelings more than my happiness and health, wasn't really my family, or even my friend. The split showed me who really cared about me as an individual, and who only cared about me as long as I met their expectations. I do not miss any of the people that fell into the latter category. If the split is inevitable, delaying is only going to hurt everyone more. A split will be painful and difficult, but staying with someone you aren't in love with is also painful and difficult. The difference is, after you split, the pain will stop and eventually heal. By staying, you keep the pain alive. A year from now, you could all be moving past the pain and into happier and healthier territory. Or, you could still be in the situation you're in now, only with more resentment added to the pile. The time is going to pass anyway. Why not spend it moving away from pain and toward healing?

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