Why is being an adult so hard?
When I was in highschool, I was feeling really lost because I didn't know what I wanted to do in life or what course I wanted in college.
Graduation was only a few months away. My classmates already knew what they wanted so I was feeling more pressured.
Fastforward to years later, I graduated college with a bachelor's degree in IT. Contrary to my highschool graduation, I knew what I wanted to do next. Although things didn't really go the way I wanted to but.. I got my first job. Met good friends. Opportunities came.
I actually wanted to rest for a few months after grad but a job opportunity came so I grabbed it. After a year, I resigned and decided to get the rest that I wanted. I told myself that I'll only rest for a few months. But thats what happened.
The company that I was trying to go for is not hiring as of the moment. So I applied in different companies. I went to 2 interviews just the other day and I also had 1 last week. All of those interviews told me that they liked me. They like my personality but.. why do I feel like they're not going to hire me?
Right now, I'm feeling so useless. I realized that life wont always go the way you planned it. Dont expect too much. But you cant also NOT feel this way. Its impossible not to feel this way. Lately, I've been feeling so lethargic, depressed, not in the mood to do anything, I dont even want to talk to anyone.
Honestly, I just discovered this page just now and I just really wanted to share this. I dont care if this doesn't get any answers coz I just really really wanted to share my feelings and to let it out somehow.
*I told myself that I'll only rest for a few months. But thats not what happened.
It sounds like you have some depression that is interfering with your ability to feel happy and content with things. Have you talked with your doctor about antidepressants or sought counseling? The best advice I can give you (and I've been adulting for a long time) is to focus on what makes you happy and on bettering yourself--exercise, eat right, do what you enjoy... Also, make sure to put your best face forward when going on interviews. People are drawn to those with a smile and confidence! It will get better in time, you will find the job you were meant to have. Just hang in there!
Thanks. I've been trying to do those things but I also have other problems which hinders me from doing so. Actually, I've been helping taking care of my older brother for 1 year now coz he was involved in an accident that left him physically disabled from waist down. Its hard to do the things that you want to do when you have someone you need to take care of. I cant just think of myself. I have to also think about the people that will be affected with my decisions. Thats why I dont really know what to do anymore.
Some questions to get a better feel of what’s going on:
Are your parents in the picture to help out or are you primary caretaker for brother?
What is your age? Youngest child in family? GF?
What do you mean you “wanted to rest”? Were you schooled out and/or exhausted from your studies? Did you need a vacation?
Or are you looking for fun and relaxation?
Curious about the title of your post. What adult “role” are you finding to be difficult or perceived to be hard for you to do?
Me, My grandmother and my parents (mostly my Mom tho coz my parents are divorced) are taking care of my brother. But my Mom has work and she has another family already so she doesn't live with us. She just comes after work then she goes home. My Grandmother can only do certain things because of her age. So basically, I'm with my brother the whole time.
I'm 23. Second of 5 children. I have a younger brother who's 19 and a college dropout. He's useless. You cant even ask him a favor. He's also 'lost' coz he doesn't know what he wants to do. He's a VERY introverted person. And I also have 2 younger brothers who are 7 and 5 which I also look after.
I'm a girl and I have a boyfriend. He's been helping me cope up which is nice.
The 'rest' that I meant was like a short vacation from everything (life, people, problems) its like I still wasn't ready to face the 'professional' world yet.
I wasn't exactly looking for fun but more of a time for myself.
I guess the most difficult adult thing for me is just getting it together. Its like I dont really see myself being happy in life.
I already had plans as to what i wanted to do. But after what happened to my brother, my Mom told me that I was the only one she could rely on. That if something happens to her, She'll leave the responsibility to me. And that messed up my plans and so right now i dont really know what to do.
Oh! I think you are very much “together”!
It’s just that you are overloaded with all kinds of “adult issues” that would get the most competent adult overloaded, depressed and exhausted.
And you are right - you do need a break and a rest and a chance to re-group and re- energize.
How to do that?
Time for a family pow wow where you just lay it all out that you need some time for yourself . Time for some help from EVERYONE with brother including any agency help that he might be eligible for. All hands on deck, including slacker younger brother and any other adults who have made you responsible for this huge job of caretaker.
Whoever is the parent of those kids needs to find child care for them - and you can announce that you can only offer a limited amount of help there - because you need to live your own life, find a job, travel and, in short, plan your future.
You have got to be adament about this or you will end up an old maid who has raised other people’s kids and took care of all the sick ones in the family your entire life. Speak up!
Last resort: threaten to run away!! Then do it. Go backpacking in Europe or join the circus....
I'll try my best. I dont really know how but I guess I'll just have to see.
When everything gets better, I'll come back here and post updates.
Thank you so much.
It is interesting that in your original post you did not mention such major elements in your life: taking care of an older brother, an adult who is paralyzed waist down and on top, taking care at times at least of a five year old and a seven year old. This is a whole lot of responsibility.
You wrote that your mother helps with her son (your older brother) but then goes to her own home, her new family- do you mean the five and seven year old, are they your half siblings who live with her?
I am wondering how can you possibly have a job when you are the main care taker of your brother. I wonder how and when you take care of the five and seven year old children. I am also wondering about your relationship with your mother. These may be relevant to your inquiry here, on your thread.
I'm very close with my Mom. I understand her part also coz she has her own problems that she has to face. That's why whenever she asks me to look after my brothers I try to help but in the long run it became too much for me to handle.
Yes, the 7 and 5 year old brothers are my half brothers. Whenever she goes to work, she leaves them here with us. They have the financial capacity to hire a nanny but every nanny they hired only lasted for Months or weeks because they cant handle my Mom's boyfriend's personality (he's another problem; very toxic person).
That's why I'm also afraid or worried as to what would happen to them if ever I would leave the house.
Hello again, Wrong_feelings:
I understand that someone needs to take care of your disabled older brother and your younger brothers. I also understand that your life is as difficult as it is because of these responsibilities, taking care of the three of them.
You wrote that you are very close with your mother. Notice though that she is very close with a man who you refer to as "a very toxic person" who is the reason why nannies haven't lasted for long. And so, it is you who is paying the price for your mother's choice to live with this man, making it possible for her to continue to live with him by taking care of their children.
In other words, this close relationship with your mother is toxic to you, taking away your time and energy and so, you don't have enough resources to live your own life.
I think it will be a good idea to remove yourself from this arrangement: let your mother and her boyfriend hire people to take care of their children and of your older brother. Live your own life- don't give away it away. You only have this one life.