Should I just leave since she threatens to kick me out every other week?
I have lived with my bf and his mother since June of 2017 when I turned of legal age. I lived with them ever since I could move out of my own house because of the emotional abuse from my stepdad, and my mom is never home because she works two jobs, one night job and one day job, and she is a nurse so she is NEVER home so I basically lived with my stepdad and his mom and my half sister. All 3 of them don't include me as part of their family; so I only have my mom there.
Ever since I moved in with them, his mom has used me as an excuse to get him to do anything she wants or needs or she will threaten to kick me out. For example, this time the fight is about how she got mad this year for Mother's Day because my boyfriend didn't say anything to her because of her negative attitude towards him and because she never congratulated us for graduating.
Instead of talking to him about it, she waited until the next day and texted him about it at work like she always does. She said that she feels uncomfortable in her own home and that she thinks that I should leave until him and I can figure out a living situation together. She eventually found a way to turn it on me as well and basically said that I was being disrespectful and making her uncomfortable for not saying anything to her for Mother's Day but she never even congratulated me for graduating EARLY. But, she gave my boyfriend's ex- bestfriend $100 for graduation a year and a half ago and they weren't even good friends at the time anymore. My boyfriend told her that I don't celebrate Mothers Day which is true, and she said "Sure, she fucking did last year when she went with us to the mother's day party" which I only went to because she was forcing my boyfriend to go by saying if he does go she will buy him a TV (she recently divorced her husband so they moved into a new house and she got him a new TV for that reason) and basically used it against him to force him to go, so I was left with the choice to either go with him or go to my shitty house and sit in my room alone all day, so I went with them instead.
I didn't get her any gifts or say anything to her relating to Mother's Day last year or any year, and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. My boyfriend has gotten her a gift for Mothers Day every year since I have been dating him, which has been 3 years in a row now and every single time she did not even acknowledge the gifts or say thank you. For example, last year he bought her expensive flowers and some other things and she left it all on the counter for weeks to come. She even let the flowers die.
She is basically saying that just because she thinks she is doing a favor for me by letting me live at her house for free because I'm dating her son, she thinks I should kiss her ass about stuff like Mother's Day that I don't even do for my own mother. I don't celebrate these holidays because I am not from America and my family has never celebrated these holidays. (Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, etc) My boyfriend basically tried to defend me and back me up and he even asked why she is making this about me when he is the one at fault and she didn't even try to listen and just said that I am not her daughter and that my life is not her responsibility and that she is tired of supporting me, which she doesn't do because I buy my own water and food and everything else. Also, she thinks she is doing me such a favor that she expects my boyfriend and I to clean up after her mess, she comes home from work and doesn't do anything around the house because "she is tired" so she sits on the couch watching TV until it's 9pm and then she goes to bed for work. Is she right about this? Should I just move back into my own house? I feel like the only reason she lets me live here is to have something to use to threaten my boyfriend every time he doesn't do something her way. I am so lost and I really don't have any good environment to fall back on, she knows I live here because of my emotionally abusive stepdad and it would ruin my relationship with my boyfriend because he works 6 days a week and I would not be able to see him at all like I am able to now. Also, she has a spare room and she doesn't even let me use it. She makes me live in my boyfriend's room with all his stuff. Should I keep tolerating this until I can move out with my boyfriend or should I just leave? I really don't know what to do anymore because every time anything happens between them I get threatened to get kicked out. I feel like I should just leave, and I feel like it affects my relationship with my boyfriend as well. What should I do?
Uhm... She is doing you a GIANT favor. If you're living as a guest in her home, she can treat you however she likes. I'm not saying it makes her a good person, but it's her house. If you don't like how you're treated, move out. If you don't have the means to support yourself, you're at the mercy of those that give you shelter. Welcome to adulting. I'm not trying to be harsh, but you are dismissing a huge part of the equation here. She doesn't owe you anything, and you owe her a lot. If that arrangement doesn't suit you, then get your own place. If you "can't" do that, than suck it up til you can. Again- welcome to adulting.
what she's trying to say is she wants to be more appreciated the way she's trying to get Isn't coming across in way and is using you in any arguments.
With Mother's Day whether you celebrate it or not, no you shouldn't have to give her flowers or a gift that's for your bf to do. It sounds like they don't have a partically good relationship anyway but I would stay out of that.
she's letting you stay there for free (even tho you buy your own food) and so yes, even if that was her choice not to charge you rent, she will be expecting some sort of little pay backs from you.
If it was me, I would be doing house work when I could, like running the hoover round the house or even saying to her ' I've got a spare half an hour, can I do anything around he house?' she won't be expecting either of these things, BUT it shows her you've thought about it, you are willing to help and take responsibility for your self. And any negitivety she has against will slowly go.
You don't have to tidy up after her, but you can do things to show you're thankful. Also do buy a bunch of flowers or chocolates every now and then and put them in the kitchen, if she chooses to ignore them then let her, it shows youre the better/ more mature person and next time buy something for everyone in the household to share! But little things like this (if you dont do them already) will help and hopefully you'll see a different her.
As for the spare room, I think you're expecting too much here, why would she let you use it , when technically (if she wanted to she could rent it out? Unless you're willing to pay her some rent for the room then she might consider. I think she would also think that you might want to share your bf room with him.