Why can't I find happiness in my life despite so many efforts?
Been widowed for several years. During this time I have dated a few men. Of the men I’ve dated one in particular was in a serious relationship. He wanted to marry me but I broke up with him a few times because I found him to be untruthful regarding his finances and he was irresponsible when it came to his money as well. I reconciled with him on a few occasions only to find that he couldn’t really change to the point that I had peace of mind. However I still love him and I know that he feels the same because although I try to block his number and his email and any other way for him to reach me recently he tried reaching out to me through a game app that we always played together. I have not yet responded and do not believe it is my best interest to respond because it seems that I will just find myself back in the same position.
I met a second man over year ago and he is very considerate and cares about me. However I’ve had issues with him too. Specifically, we talked about living together and then the conversation dropped on his end even though he saw me starting to get my home ready for sale. More importantly, he became less engaged with me in terms of showing me his affection and I have never met any of his friends and only met his immediate family once other than his adult children. I on the other hand have introduced him in it because it him and all family and friend events so he has met my circle of family and friends on numerous occasions. This is itself is a red flag and I don’t believe we are on the same page. I am ready to be not only in an exclusive relationship but at least live with the person and start building for the future. Exacerbating the situation is the fact that we live an hour and a half from each other. I do plan on confronting him and then none of it in a gentle better to find out what he is thinking and to see where if any at all we can go together in this relationship but either way I am very hurt and disappointed and I don’t believe he may be the right one for me. To complicate matters further out of the blue I met someone online who also lives quite a distance from me but he seems very interested in meeting me in person and he also sounds like he is more ready for a settled relationship. I of course feel guilty about even talking to this guy while I’m with the prior boyfriend but I believe I am doing it out of loneliness. I only see my current boyfriend one night a week because he works so many hours and has his own professional practice. When I first met him he would go out of his way to try to see me whenever he could. I love him but I am not head over heels in love with him. The last thing I want to do is make my life more complicated but I feel completely unfulfilled at this point.
Does anyone have any practical advice for me which I would greatly appreciate.
Do. Not. Settle.
At 50, I've only recently met the love of my life. And I was married for 24 years, previously. Only when I met my true love and best friend did I realize I'd settled in my marriage. Learn to appreciate time alone. I stayed because I was afraid to be alone. I started traveling alone, and realized I was happier than when I was home. So I left. Spent time getting to know myself. Relocated to an area that's bursting with all of my favorite things. Started doing activities I enjoy. In doing those things, I met someone that's changed my life. I still pinch myself several times a day.
As long as you're in semi-relationships with men that are wrong for you, there's no room for what or who is right. Be single, and stay that way until you meet someone that makes you want to make room in your life for them. Everyone else is wasting your time.
Thank you for giving all the information that you did. It makes it easier to see your situation. You didn’t give your age, but you did mention that one boyfriend had adult children. You didn’t mention having any children or grandchildren of your own. My husband is still living so I cannot completely understand your widowhood. My sister has been a widow for 9 years and she also gets very lonely. I think it’s important for you to find other things that will bring joy to your life. If you don’t have children or grandchildren, you may have other friends or groups that you can become involved with. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket – meaning don’t make a relationship with a man be your main priority. Our world tells us we should always be in a partner relationship and I don’t believe that should be. Try being your own person for a time and see how that goes. Pursue other interests and maybe a relationship will come to you. I pray you can find happiness and joy.