Do I leave now and cut my losses?
I have been dating the same guy for over two years. He is a wonderful man and says he loves me. Since we live very far apart at least 75 miles in each direction, I had brought up the issue of living together over the winter. He seemed receptive to living together. A few months ago I started to ready my house for sale with his knowledge and he did not say anything. It finally occurred to me that he did not want to live with me at this time. I approached him about the subject and his response was that he was going to wait until the lease ends on his medical practice which is going to happen in 2 to 3 years and then he would live with me since it was too inconvenient for him to find a middle point where we would both have to go to work each day.
The problem is that he works 5 1/2 days a week so that leaves very little time for us to be together - basically we are together Saturday night until after dinner on Sunday. I explained to him that this is not a relationship where you only see the person one night a week and furthermore I was very lonely in my home the other six nights and I want to sell the home but now I don’t know what to do. It is clear he is doing what is good for him and not budging to see me except he said he would work harder to see me one night of week (even though traffic is awful during the week). He also hasn't introduced me to most of his family after 2 years which I mentioned and he told me his family is out of the area - mine is as well but I managed to include him almost 6 times for family events. I told him since I wasn't selling my home to live with him I planned on doing whatever was good for me without regard to the distance between us (but I'd still stay in the area b/c of work). He is going to be 68 and I'll be 61 this year - Do I stay with him or do I cut my losses and start over with someone who either lives closer to me or we have a more compatible situation?
If you're not happy, you should end it. Trying to make it work with someone that doesn't see you as a priority will only leave you disappointed and hurt. Better to be single than committed to someone that isn't really there. You should never have to ask someone to make time for you. If he wanted to, he would already be doing that. Sorry you're experiencing this. It does sound like it's time to move on. I hope you meet someone you're more compatible with.
I get that he works a lot, but for 2 years you've only seen him for 1 1/2 days each week? It's consistent, but hasn't he ever taken time away from work or gone on a vacation to spend more time away with you?
I get that work is important, and maybe what he does at his job is important. Maybe he even goes out of his way a lot just to make time for the little windows where he does see you? But I agree, you probably want to see him a little more.
I wonder how he feels about this? Does he seem like he wants to see you more during the week, or is your current arrangement enough for him? For some of us, that Saturday and half of Sunday might be enough time to spend with our s/o.
Can you wait for him to sell his business? And do you think he is serious about doing that and moving in with you in the next couple of years?
I'm lonely in my home and I've told him this. I've taken him on vacation with me last year and on occasion, he takes off a Friday if we go away for the weekend. He is satisfied with the Saturday/Sunday and just broke the news to me that he wouldn't move in with me (in between our homes that we discussed 6 months ago) until he is ready to retire in 3 years. I have been misled. He was helping me with the sale of my home and I already spent $ on getting some of the house ready. He only told me this when I confronted him since I was ready to sign the listing agreement with the realtor. He owed me that truth months ago. He has never introduced me to any of his friends or most of his family and that's a red flag too. At this age, time is precious. I think it's time to call this relationship quits. We just aren't on the same page.
There is no such thing as the perfect relationship, they are all a compromise. There exists good balance here, he is not prepared to relocate yet to your area, and neither are you prepared yet to relocate to his own. Relationships should not be a competition, they should focus only on mutual happiness, so the compromise, and you seem to have a very good compromise right now. You should of course feel free to have male friends, and he should feel free to have female friends, again, mutual happiness and compromise. I have never met up with the right person in my sixty two years so you are indeed most fortunate that you can even choose the area. I`m only attracted much younger, then again, everybody our age is married. I did have an eighteen year old girl ask me out only a few weeks back, why on earth not, there is such a thing as appropriate relationships, but I just did n`t consider it fair on her current boyfriend, stood right by her. I average only about one opportunity with someone a decade so it is likely very significantly easier going for you.