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Relationship advice been married 22 years together 26, got 3 kids together as well. my husband is a sales rep i am seeking work at the moment. he had his prostrate taken out 21 month ago and it as changed our lives especially his. he says he wished he never had it done and should not of listened to the doctors. he wont go back for a recent blood check count and says it will be ok and that they will just say the same thing and tell him to come back in 6 months. he hasnt been the dentist either in 10 years and i think his gums are bleeding because he got mouth wash for it but he wont go and said he is not bothered. i know his treatment for his prostrate as left him feeling less of a man. he as to use a pumping vacuum and he hates using it but i told him at least we can still have it. he said how can it satisfy me, i told him it does but its not the same as before he had treatment done. i really love him but even thou he as had all this done i think he is cheating on me. he said it would be nice to re-new our vows when we had been married 10 years , that was 12 years ago and he as never said anything since. he as my name tattooed on his arm, its fading and he said he would like to get it done but he still hasn't. i said to write it down if his memory is bad but i realise its just a excuse because he doesnt want to get it done or the vows again. he as been on dating sites in the past and looked at porn which knocked me says he is not cheating at all and only wants me but if he did wouldnt he of done the tattoo or marriage vows again? he as recently stayed away said its the first time since last September he as said its getting less and less. when he gets to stay away i get all jealous because he can just get away just like that and its all paid for. he was all nice to me on the phone when he was away and saying we can stay away and go out for a meal because he was going out for a meal with one of his colleagues. he sounded to creepy and guilty to me like he had to make up to me for what hes doing. he denies he is cheating and said how can he after getting his prostrate taken out but i said he can still perform oral. we have been to marriage counselling but i still dont trust him or believe him at all and its taken over my life. i think if he is i would get a divorce but its easier said then done but i wont get walked over at all. i said all sales man are the worst and have a reputation for sleeping around when away from home, he said they are not like that. please advice as i feel im wasting my life and want to be a normal person not a paraniod one.

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i believe you are just being paranoid because of reduction in pleasure since his prostrate operation. nothing unusual about guys watching porn even faithful ones as just entertainment. have you voiced your feelings of detachment because he hasn't kept his promises on revowing and redoing tattoo? seems it would be highly unlikely a woman would settle for an affair with a guy that could only orally pleasure her and he would probably be to embarrassed to confide this deficiency to a woman he met on a business trip. has he ever cheated before to your knowledge? if not i think it is pretty late after 26 years to start being a cheater especially with his physical limitations.

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This is not about viws and tatoos - it’s about trust.

You said you both had gone to marriage counseling together? What happened?

Why is it that you don’t trust him?

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We went to marriage counselling for years. Changed nothing. He went on dating sites, had a text from a woman on his phone to say she was back off holiday, rang up women from a magazine to get off with them. I realise he is just a waste of space and I regret the day I ever met the worthless piece of s..t. I hate him as much as I hate my father. I'm getting him out of my life. I cursed the day I met this low life. No wonder I've been miserable all these years and it's because he still around like a bad smell. Stupid stupid me marrying a horrid man.

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Then see a good lawyer and get away from him. No sense in staying with a man who disgusts you.

Then get into counseling to see why you married a man who had the same hurtful qualities as your father.

Good luck. Make this a summer of personal healing and peace. Your anger will make you sick, if you don’t.

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