Sisters anger issues
I've been staying with my sister a month now and have been a few spats with her, and it always comes down to her anger issues. She is quick tempered and quick to misconstrued things. Today, myself and my husband smelt strong cigarette smoke in the living room, so he walks into the kitchen asks my sister 'Do you smell cigarette smoke?' She takes it as 'are you smoking?' She flips out on him and then on me for telling her that she took it the wrong way. She calls me crazy and Said 'I know what he really meant' she just stopped smoking because of a kidney transplant, so in her mind he's accusing her when in reality it was just a question of 'Do you smell that?' Come to find out it was someone in the stairwell.
Someone please tell me is my husband in the wrong just for asking that queation, that had no hidden agenda behind it?. Or was my sister's anger justified?.
in my opinion, your sister's behaviour is normal because she has just given up smoking and this is a stressful process for her. Your husband should have asked only you about the smoke. On the other hand, your sister should not have flipped out. It was only an innocent question.
I hope everything will be OK.
There was zero accusation. I'm here to help her after transplant and freaks out about anything and everything. We are leaving and she can find someone else that can hopefully deal with her anger issues. This was far from the first time and I can't deal with that over and over again :-S
I don't think it sounds like an accusation and after having a big operation he was probably thinking of her and her health? Where ever the smoke was coming from, he probably thought she shouldnt of been inhaling it!
If he had aggressively accused her of smoking, then that would be different. But it not your husbands (or yours) fault if you sister takes things that are said to her the wrong way. This is something for your sister to learn how to improve on, no one else.
However, anything to do with smoke/smoking/cigarettes is probably a bit of a hard topic at the moment, since she had to give up but it's no ones fault there was a cigarette smell.
She's had a big op too, so she's probably anxious, more angry and in some pain but I (persoanally) don't think that gives someone a right to take it out on other people, who are trying to help.
You said from the very beginning she had an anger problem, so you knew that, I think it's down to how you learn to deal with it, how you respond to her etc. There might be books you can read to help you on this.
It's was nice that you were there, and willing to look after her. But if after a month of her anger and arguments is getting to you both and no appreciation shown etc, then I think it's a good idea someone else steps in. Sometimes family is too close.
maybe give her a call or a text in a few days time, even if she isn't nice back to you, you are being the better person (one way to deal with her anger issues) and still showing her you are there for her but in a different way, because of her behaviour not yours. :-).