Should I give this guy a change?
A little help needed please.
A guy from work asked me out very unexpectedly, I had no idea he liked me. I was flattered and I decided that a drink wouldn't hurt. Since this date we had lunch together a few times in our cafeteria and we are becoming good friends. He's keen for another date.
I'm holding back as I'm still getting over a break up with my ex boyfriend, who I really was in love with. We had been together since university and stupidly I thought he was 'The One'. All our other university friends who were couples got married and I thought we'd do the same.
He broke up with me not long after we moved in together, his dad and step mum were emigrating back to his step mums home country and he decided he wanted to go with them. He only took his feelings into consideration and moved out quickly, refusing to talk to me. And that was it, over, like I was nothing to him. For months I questioned myself thinking I must of beeen this awful, unloveable person. I replayed any past arguments or situations we had been through together in my mind and blamed myself. I have a very supportive mum, who was there for any time day or night. She really got me through a lot of this.
To this day my ex hasn't moved anywhere, he still lives in the U.K. at his mums house. We've bumped into each other once on a night out and I questioned him on why he hadn't moved. He muttered something about work visa problems but couldn't look me in the eye. I'm suspecting the whole wanting to move with his dad was a lie and he's not been honest at all ! I told him I needed closure and he still owned me an explanation but he replied he owed me nothing.
Since, I told myself I wasn't going to date anyone else for at least a year and concentrate on my career, family and friends. I thought this would be a good, healing process and I started to feel a bit more happier.
I wanted to be honest with the new guy from work and without going into too much detailI I have told him I've not long come out of a relationship that ended badly. He's not pressured me since, into another date, which makes me think I can start to trust him.
I don't want him to loose interest, though, I like him a lot. I've found my self getting butterflies when we meet for lunch, sometimes he'll text me and it always makes me smile. He asks if he can call me before he calls for a chat. I've found myself giving him a call too when I'm not busy. It feels like he's a proper gentlemen.
I don't know which feelings to listen to and I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship emotionally. If it's all goes pear shaped I've still got to work with him there's no escape, and we have pretty stressful jobs as nurses in the same department. Staying friends seems the safer option, even though I feel there is a potential spark and attraction.
Do I take this slow and give it a go and say yes to another date? Or do I stick to my guns and do what I said I was going to do?
it is quite dangerous to date a coworker because of rumor mill and interactions if break up or flirting with others at work. my dad always said "don't mix your meat and potatoes" with meat being work and potatoes supposed to be social life. i would suggest go slow and try find crush in your social circles outside of work environment after healing over being dumped by ex love. i don't think this will take a year. perhaps casually date new guy at work with mutual understanding you do not want to get into a heavy relationship for awhile. and are fearful of possible repercussions of getting entangled in a coworker-lover arrangement. imagine problems if you became his supervisor in the future.
Normally I’d suggest staying away from office romance, but considering your unfair treatment and hurt from your past BF , I’d encourage you to spend time with whomever lifts your heart.
Just take it easy. Don’t move too fast. And if it develops into anything, you two can discuss work issues.