Is the grass greener?
I have the most fabulous husband, he’s fun, handsome, from a great family, works hard, great lover etc etc. Unfortunately the most unthoughtful man ever. We have been married 9 years, I have always known he wasn’t that romantic type but only recently it is getting to me.
These may sound like little things but he’ll forget Mother’s day/ birthday cards, never buys me flowers even though I tell him i’d Love a bunch on occasion. He’ll make himself a brew and not ask me, he’ll go to the shop and forget everything I have asked for, he’ll just take the tv remote and say “ we’re not watching that”. I do everything to make him happy. People have started commenting now about how he treats me.
I am lucky to have what I have in my husband but when i’m all about making him happy and that’s probably his last thought about me should I see if the grass is greener? Or stick with what I have as i’m not that unhappy?
Has he always been like this ( and you didn’t notice or need as much attention) or is this new behavior?
This is very difficul to “fix” since he seems so oblivious to you and you never spoke up about it.
Do you have children?
Why do you think you need another kind of attention from him now, after 9 years?
He has always been like this but tbh I loved all his other strong points. He was well aware I wasn’t happy about certain things but seemed to push it u see the carpet by apologising or explaining it’s just not what he’s like.
We have 2 children, he works away a lot. I work and look after the kids and keep a nice home. When he’s home for the short time I need to enjoy every second of him and us as a family so therefore push any problems to the side.
I think this last year it’s become apparent to me that I am a very good wife and these little things which bother me aren’t actually little things. If my husband told me for example “ stop making your own cup of tea it’s upsetting me” I would never again make my own cup of tea. He literally thinks it’s ridiculous
The cup of tea thing sounds ridiculous lol it’s just an example
marriage always becomes boring and routine after a period. but your husband is very toxic to an extreme level. start treating him like he treats you. wait till he comes into your house and slip out from another door for a few hours. nothing like jealousy spices up a relationship. tell him you were visiting girlfriends. he won't believe you. i would suggest marriage counseling but he obviously would not agree. after he gets same treatment as you he may snap out of his bad ways. if not you need leave him on his own for awhile to test your marriage. these are typical reasons some married people have boyfriend on the side to enjoy some portion of their life.
Ok. I think one thing I didn't see in these responses to you, was anyone addressing your question. "Should I see if the grass is greener?"
Pause, lets take a step back. What do you mean by that? Do you mean you're looking to have an affair or leave your husband?
Next thing, he forgets the small things. Have you ever sat him down to talk to him about how those small things aren't in fact small things when you add them all up.
Someone else mentioned, marriage does become boring but he does seem toxic, in the sense that he's very selfish. If he were to make a pot of tea, how hard would it be to ask if you want a cup? Why should you sacrifice making your own cup if he were to ask you to?
I have other questions.
1. what kind of social life do you have for yourself?
2. Would he spare you a night when he's home to watch the kids so you can go out? Get your nails done or whatever it is you might want to do?
3. How would he react if you stopped doing all the small things for him? Does he expect things on Father's Day?
My advice is this, stop doing small things for him. Not all at once. Just slowly. Buy yourself some flowers, because that's just not gonna happen from him. Seriously the flowers thing. I like to buy myself some occasionally to brighten up the home. Talk to him and make it very clear to him that you're feeling underappreciated. Just because he works hard and makes everything else work well, doesn't mean he can't take the time to pour you a cup, or to get a last minute card. Best wishes to you.