Lazy brother in law
Not long ago, my mother made a very negative statement about my brother in law. After a weekend visit to my sisters house she told me my brother in law is a lazy, fat, slob and she wishes my sister would leave him. My mother is not perfect, she gossips and has controlling issues, and so I told her not to be so judgemental.
My sister is the bread winner in her family, she works hard and does very long hours, her husband used to worked, but after their youngest was born they decided he would become a househusband. my brother in law had given this big speech about how he'd look after the children, go to all their school plays and do up the house. I thought this was very refreshing. My mother didn't, but her reaction was not surprising.
My family and I went to stay with my sister recently and by the time we left I saw what my mother meant. The house is tip, everything is broken and it's dangerous for the little ones. My sister looked exshusted, and was running around like a headless chicken after then children, doing all the tidying up, making drinks, and cooking. There were times when she called out to her husband for help and all he did was grunt from the sofa. The only time he left the sofa was when there was food on the table. He talks at his children, getting them to do things for each other rather than do it himself. My sister and I did all the cooking, my husband fixed the kitchen cupboards and took the children to the park all while brother in law watched movies.
My sister and I went out shopping for the day, she gave him one job to do, wipe down the kitchen. When we got back it wasn't done. My sister was furious and when she asked her husband why, he said he had to rearrange his Marvel Magazine collection instead.
My sister admitted that her husband doesn't pick the children up from school her, his mother does, and she takes them back to her house. He can't be bothered to take the youngest to any baby classes she's paid for with her money. And her youngest has started pulling his hair out, which she's been told this is due to stress.
On the way home in the car my husband was the first to point out my brother in laws laziness. I'm pleased, he wouldn't say anything unless he thinks something is unfair or someone's was getting hurt.
I don't want to tell my mother I agree with her. I feel that would give her power to be spiteful toward my sister and her husband and she will start to take control in a very negative way. I have visions of her going to stay for a weekend and talk to them abruptly. She will cause a rift in the family, if she thinks I agree with her and she will speak on my behalf and tell my sister I agree with her.
I'd like to take this matter into my own hands and talk to my sister, she seems unhappy and frustrated. I don't know what to advise her to do, other then to stick a rocket up her other half s backside. How do you get someone to see how lazy they are ? And how much advantage they are taking ? Does anyone have any suggestions I could offer? Thank you in advance.
he obviously knows he has a perfect set up. he must be terrific in the bedroom for your sister to ignore this abuse. nothing you say to him will make him change. he will just ban you from his home and probably tell sister you want a relationship with him. you need concentrate on discussing with sister. tell her your man mom and everyone else wants help her get awake about the abuse. ask her why she clings to him in view of the abuse and what you can do to help her. she must be in control of any exit plan. forcing her will only alienate her from everyone but her man. unfortunately some women like this type of sexual based sugar boy relationship so you may be chasing ghosts. you need find out how her brain and heart feels straightway to be helpful.
Unless your sister asks for help, stay out of this. Apparently she is getting something out of this, or she would make an effort to change her circumstances, wouldn’t she?
You could let her know that you are concerned about her life and if she needs anything , let you know.
Attacking her husband or her life style can also drive them closer, too. So be careful how you offer help.
I don't plan on confronting her husband on this, it is up to my sister. He's harmless enough but I wouldn't intrude or speak to him on what I saw.
I'm not too sure my sister would say anything to me, no matter what she feels. We come from a very controlling family where we used to run everything past our mother to seek her approval and the fear is becoming like her, not making the same mistakeswith our own husbands and children.
She seemed to want to say a lot more to me when she confined in me about husband not taking their baby to classes. I could tell that was a frustration and I would of conintued the conversation only we got interrupted.
Your sister loves him and wants to keep the marriage together despite her frustrations. But this will not be advantageous if she doesn't make it clear to him what she wants. her husband knows she is his everthing so he plays upon it when they are together.