I can't handle it anymore... I am dying
I am a boy 18 years old.I have a problem which you can think as weird.
When I was 11 years old.I was very depressed.My parents were quarrelling everyday.
One day,I asked my little brother(7 yrs) to show his private parts and we touched each other genitals.We also played doctor patient game.
After 2 or 3 months,we were caught by our father.Since then we stopped doing this.
But after that we were quarrelling with each other and do not accept each other.
Now,after 8 years,we are still enemies.He doesn't want to talk to me and I also doesn't want.
My mother is sometimes upset as I am doing the house work alone and he doesn't want to work with me.
I was once a bright student but it has affected me very badly.My health is also down.
Also,me and my sister have done the same thing but we don't act like this way.
I am very depressed because of it.
What should I do?
My parents are still fighting every month.
When children are raised in a toxic environment, it can make them anxious and depressed. Adults are supposed to care for the child and the constant bickering and fighting is frightening.
Your anxiety manifested itself in sexual behavior. You were attempting to calm yourself. But other children in the family have been used in your need to deal with these feelings. That confused them, just when they may have been looking to you to be the big brother and protect them from the chaos in your household.
Perhaps your brother is disappointed and saddened by this past relationship. He may feel repulsed by what has happened, so he cuts you off and expresses anger, when in fact, he is hurting.
You must stop sexual activity with your sister. It is not fair that you use her, either, to calm yourself or fill your needs. This behavior will affect her ability to have a normal sexual relationship with her husband in the future. You cannot justify this behavior by saying she does not seem angry at you.
Counseling is in order . For the whole family. But don’t depend on your parents. They are stuck in their own dysfunction. They are never going to change.
Find help for yourself, if only to learn how to have a healthy relationship in future years with your siblings. Put your energy into repairing what your brother and sister are to you. Your parents are never going to change, but you can survive this toxic environment with guidance and your willingness to help your siblings, too.