PeoplesProblems Logo

How do I get my family to accept my choice of boyfriend at 61?

Default profile image
Dated someone for 2 years and my family adored him. unfortunately he didn’t work out for me We lived far apart and he wasn’t willing to live together for 3 more years. Incidentally I’m 61 and he is 68. We only saw each other on Saturday to Sunday. I needed a different type of relationship. I had dated someone on and off who I know my older sisters wouldn’t approve of so I never told them. I live far from my sisters so I was never forced to tell them. I have reconciled with the on and off bf. He has changed for the better and I’m very happy for the first time in a while. He really loves me and I him. I see a future with him. I’m renting a house at the beach in September and my kids are coming. Already told my kids about him and my daughter understands but my son is reluctant because he lives near me and saw the breakups. I think over time this will dissipate. I invited my sister and her husband to the beach before I reconciled with my current bf. How can I tell her about him? She’s very judgmental. He served time 10 years ago for white collar crime but he completely changed his life and is close to his family and friends who I know and are great and very responsible. Advice?

How do I get my family to accept my choice of boyfriend at 61?

Default profile image
Stop worrying how people will react to your happiness. Stop playing defense with people that are supposed to care about you. Be happy for and with yourself, and your decisions, regardless how others react. If you expect a negative reaction, and feel you have to "break the news" to people, then you either have doubts yourself, or you have forgotten that people who really love you will be supportive and happy for you, even when they don't understand or agree. If you are genuinely happy and sure of your decision, then how others react shouldn't even be a factor. If you're expecting that it will affect your familial relationships negatively, then you're guaranteeing that it will. You're not even there yet, and you're already defensive. Stop it. You should never apologize for being happy. Stop playing their games, and expect people to be happy for you. When you expect judgment, you actively invite it. Invite happiness by expecting it. If someone refuses to give it, it puts the burden of explanation and apology back on them, where it belongs. Quell the insecurities and need for approval. Realize you can't control what anyone thinks or feels but you. Own your decision, and stop projecting doubt. Don't act apologetic or sheepish. That kind of behavior just validates the idea that it's a mistake. Instead, own it. Be happy. With him, and your life. Unapologetically. And leave it at that. It's up to them to be happy for and with you. If someone is unwilling to do that, then simply tell them that, although you would appreciate their support and well wishes, you don't need their approval to be happy. Then just keep being happy. People will either cling to their negativity, or they'll realize they care more about you than their judgmental opinions. Anyone that digs in and sides with their opinions over family, shouldn't get much of your time or energy, and they've done you a favor by showing you their real priorities. No need of make a big thing about it. Let them know it makes you sad, then get on with your visit. If someone makes you feel crappy about your love or life, just top giving them a platform to do that. Be civil, but do not chase these piple. Simply enjoy yourself with the people that can and will be happy for an with you. Let the others realize your happiness matters, and they don't control you anymore.

How do I get my family to accept my choice of boyfriend at 61?

Default profile image
Simply put, you're a grown woman and should be able to date whichever man you'd like. It's okay to listen to what your loved ones think and have to say about your choice, after all your loved ones matter to you too. But at the end of the day it is your choice. If this man makes you happy, then take that gamble and stick with him. As Mamabear said up above, it is your choice to make and own, and accept all of the good and bad that comes with it.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1