Depressed and reaching out
Okay, 4 years ago I left all my friends because I had to shit to another place due to my dad's work. The new place was very different from the one I was used to. In my new school, everyone hated me because I was from a different city and I was different from all of them. The teachers would scold and embaress me whenever they could, all the students made fun of me. I hated that place.
After 1 year I joined a new school at the age of 16. I missed my old friends. I was vulnerable and weak. Then I finally made a friend who I loved to the bottom of my heart. But she turned out to be some kind of energy vampire. She took me away from my family and all there friends. She wanted me to only have her as a friend, as everything. If I didn't do something her way, she would hurt me. She would tell me that nobody loves me and that she was doing me a favor by being friends with me. I felt so controlled and used but I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know how to get away from her.
Then she went away on a week's holiday to Dubai and I took the time to talk to all to my friends and to get away from her. When she came back and found out that I was drifting away, she did everything she could to hold me back. But I did not listen, I got myself away from her.
But that ended me going into depression. I keep feeling that my life has been wasted and I try to fight the feeling of hopelessness but I keep giving up. Everytime I try to fight it, it just feels like it's laughing at me for trying so hard but ending up worse than where I was. Many times I have wanted to end everything, but I couldn't. Because somewhere, in the back of my mind, I know I can fight it.
I tried to talk to my mom but she wont listen.
It's like she doesn't want to accept the fact that her daughter is depressed. I want to talk to her, I want to reach out for help cuz I want to fight it, but I don't know how to. I just need someone to tell me what to do. How to reach out when nobody wants to listen.
I know what happened to me cannot be compared to things that many other people go through. But this the point where I am weak.
Thank you for listening.
Hi. I just want you to know that depression is a tough enemy and keep trying to get help, at 16 you can go to your GP by yourself, get him/her to talk to your mother because you can beat this but you deserve to have the support of your family. It doesn’t make a difference if others have ‘been through worse’, those thoughts won’t help. What you went through was emotional hell and you have to allow yourself time to heal. Depression on top of that is awful, only those who have been there can understand. Keep up the fight.