Found texts to my bfs ex on his phone... need advice...
so 2 days ago I did the regrettable and went snooping thru my bfs phone... (he has given me the pass code to it without me even asking for it awhile ago) and I found some texts between him and his ex that started about 2 months ago and ended a couple weeks ago... it all had began with him digging up her number from an old email (becuz he got a new phone and no longer had her number) and he texted her to wish her a happy belated birthday, said that he hoped all was going well and ended the text with a kissy face emoji... in return, they had texted back and forth, basically catching up about their lives and how things are going, how each other is doing, etc... she shared some info about her kids (which I assume he was a part of their lives previously since they had dated for almost 2 years)... so none of this was really an issue to me, aside from the absolutely unnecessary kissy face he sent her in the original text. however, over the course of the next month and a half they had been texting there were a few comments made that make me very uncomfortable... after they had one of their causal, harmless conversations, she had texted saying she just tucked herself into bed and told him goodnight, he responded with "sweet dreams baby", aside from those, and one more kissy face he sent her twds the very end of their last conversation, that was all that was really wrong to me... I am stuck right now trying to figure out what to do... no mind you he just had asked me and my son to move in with him... so here I am in the process of doing so and I find this... he still doesn't know that I saw anything, as idk how to approach him on the situation, mostly becuz of the way I found it... by snooping without his knowledge... what do I do?? am I wrong to be upset over this, ALMOST, meaningless conversation?
also, side note, I forgot to mention above... she had made a comment in the middle of their conversation at one point saying how she "missed so much of us", referring to their past relationship... he never even acknowledged it... which is good I suppose... but still, I am left confused and hurt...
Couple of ways to look at this:
He’s not 100% there for you. He needs more time with you to let that former relationship die, and be rebuilt by you and whatever you bring into the new relationship. He still has an emotional tie with her. Perhaps he still loves her, but no longer in love with her.
The fact that you were snooping in his phone says your gut feeling is that something’s wrong and you are looking for a reason to not go full bore into this relationship.
In any case, don’t make any decisions. Time is the great revealer. He will show you where his head is over time. Don’t be afraid to have a heart to heart talk that you think he’s distracted by something and not ready for you and your son to move in. ( you don’t want to do that to your son anyway)
While it's odd that your bf and his ex said some of those things to one another, it doesn't sound like there was any blatant cheating going on based off of the little information you have to go by.
An important thing to keep in mind here is context. As uncomfortable as it is reading that your boyfriend called his ex "baby" when he wished her a goodnight, maybe there's more to it. Maybe that is what he used to say to her when she went to sleep, or maybe that was his pet name for her, and he was just being nostalgic. If he wasn't being sweet, maybe he was being funny or sarcastic.
He is in the process of transitioning his life for you, and maybe he needed to catch up with his ex to feel some closure or preparation for what's next. Maybe he is having second thoughts, or needs reassurance. But it's really tough to say. I chalk it up to him just wanting someone to talk to that understands where he's coming from.
I would just take things at face value for now. It's difficult ending relationships and starting new ones, and not all of us can stay in touch with our exes after things are over. Most of the time we completely cast aside the people we used to love, and never speak to them again. Just try to be the bigger person and acknowledge that at one time, your ex was in love with this other person and has a connection to her. Try to be happy for him that he is still able to be acquaintances with his ex, and not fighting with or avoiding her. For the time being, I don't think anything suggests that your boyfriend wants his ex back.
Sorry but this is me....if the kids she has aren’t his he has no right or reason to be texting her full stop! An ex is an ex for a reason., there’s still something there I think. As painful as that my be. Do you know who ended the relationship between them? If it was her then I would suspect he didn’t want it to be over and can’t get over her. I wouldn’t waste my time if I had to live in worry like that. God men are effing difficult! They just don’t get it sometimes do they?! I’d confront him because you’re going to be uneasy all the time otherwise. If he cracks the shits that you’ve seen the messages then there’s your answer to move on. It wouldn’t be a secret if it was 100% innocent. You said you accepted the casual conversation between life and kids etc...I wouldn’t be happy with that even if they aren’t his kids. It’s very strange. Best of luck