Friends with benefits guy says he really likes me and now I am confused
I apologise in advance for the length but I feel it's relevant.
I met a local guy online whilst I was still living with my husband. I had checked out of my marriage beforehand but was staying because of our children. The guy I was talking to was supposed to just be a bit of fun but quickly through talking he showed me that my husband was abusive.
We spoke for 2 weeks and then met up, talked about loads of things and there was some kissing & lots of flirting but nothing more. We made plans to meet again with the intention of taking things further. That nite my husband tried to initiate relations with me, was being rather pushy & didn't appear 2 hear me telling him no, until I was left with no choice but to take more physical action. When I spoke to the online guy he knew something was up & I eventually told him. He begged me 2 leave my husband & offered his support for whatever I needed.
I finally plucked up the courage to speak to a solicitor about a divorce but a few days later I had a pregnancy scare. The online guy made promises that nothing would change if it was just a scare & if not he would still be there for me. Thankfully, it was just a scare but over the course of 24 hrs the online guy froze me out & eventually blocked me. This was over a month ago.
Due to me being upset, my husband found out about the online guy & physically attacked me, resulting in a trip 2 a&e, then went on 2 send vile msgs 2 the guy.
I went through a hard time both at home & mentally, I fell off the wagon after being clean for over 7 years, my E.d took back control & a week ago I self harmed, something I haven't done for years. I discovered by accident that the online guy had unblocked me & in desperation, I begged for his help. He immediately msgged me back & then phoned. We spoke about everything, he got certain promises from me & we tentatively picked back up.
This is where I am now confused. He said that friends with benefits was the way to go & what he wanted. I hide my feelings scares 2 lose him again & said ok. Msgs marathons of a sexual nature & phone calls of just talking were exchanged.
We met up in the week & it was more heated than the 1st time we met. Things got physical at home the same day & my husband was removed by the police.
The online guy was supposed to come over to my home and said whether or not things happen he didn't want to stay the night. I was hurt by this but remained silent. But, last night he sent a text saying just "I think it's best if I don't come over & we should wait".
I asked why, I then in hurt msgged him further & said that I needed to go as it really hurt that he was doing this to me again.
However, he then messaged me back explaining that it was because he didn't just want a few hours with me or to treat me like a bootycall & that he didn't want to screw things up with me & wanted to get to know me, date me etc. We then spoke for 2 hours on the phone & I told him that i had let him in & cared about him, but, while I have never lied to him, i had only done the amount of sexual texts because I thought that's what he wanted, instead of saying "morning, what you doing today" I would message something sexual because I wanted to speak to him/interact with him.
So now I am very confused, i have not slept all night & I have messaged him this morning to express the words that I couldn't find last night. I expressed my feelings and also told him that I didn't know how to date as I'd never done the whole dating thing, never been taken out for a meal etc & I didn't know what was or was not acceptable for us now.
I'm not sure what I am looking for here but I have no one in rl I can speak to and honestly I am a lot confused as to why he would say friends with benefits then just 5 days later say the exact opposite. Has this just been a case of not admitting things to each other about our feelings? I want to give it a go with him but I'm scared to develop more feelings for him than I already have.
Again sorry for the length.
Have you spoken with anyone about what your husband has done to you like family or friends? Because what you husband has done to you isn’t right at all!
Your husband has serious rage,anger and jealousy issues. Plus staying together because of the children is only hurting them too. Divorcing sounds like the best answer.
The only person who knows is the online guy. My family have always taken my "soon 2 be" Ex-husbands side & friends I dnt really have because of his behaviour.
Yes a divorce is the only way 2 go & the paperwork is in already so it's just a matter of time.
i suggest you tell your new man you agreed to a friends with benefits with him because you trust him and know you are not just a one night stand with him. tell him you really need him to be close to you during this difficult period in your life. he is panicking and you need to rope him in now before he disappears again.
divorce your abusive husband and get a restraining order asap to keep him away from you.
Thank u, he has said he is worried that I will take my husband back, i am trying 2 reassure him this will not happen.
He has heavy work commitments. He's taking me out on a date next week so I know this is not a 1 night stand now.
The police have applied for an order already which means my husband cannot come within a certain distance of the house without my say so, I also do not have to give evidence for the physical assault he committed. The divorce, I'm hoping will go quite quickly as there is no assets 2 be decided upon just contact arrangements for the children.
Divorce proceedings can get rather nugly "nasty ugly". I'd wait until all is said and done with the divorce before getting full on with said new bf/ friend with benefits
Sorry to hear you’re going through hell. Your husband shouldn’t be forcing sex with you full stop! Not his right because he put a ring on it. Glad you’re divorcing him! However, I would spend some time on your own to be honest.,why would you want to jump into a relationship/ partnership with someone you don’t really know? You could be jumping from the frying pan to the fire. You can’t trust a persons wird you don’t know much about, their intentions, their character, their history, I’d just be really careful and think with your head and those of your kids before making rash desicions., hope it all works out well for you.