Upset at the way husband has treated my parents
My parents are visiting us from another province 2500km away...my husband and dad got into yesterday and had a blow out...my dad is a very grumpy and miserable man at times and I agree is hard to deal with...my husband has been treating my parents in my eyes like they are not welcome here...last year when we moved they gave us $20,000.00 to go towards our down payment.
I am upset because no matter how he feels about my parents, I feel he is being diserespectful of me as well. They don’t even feel comfortable to shower here now. In my husbands defense my dad has been putting down the work he has been doing in our house and telling him he half asses everything-he grew up with a dad who put him down and feels like he was in the right by telling my dad the way it is in”his house” which I put 70,000.00 down payment on myself not including the 20 my parents gave us..I have been crying in my room all nite and he hasn’t even came in to see if I am ok...am I being unreasonable here for wanting him to respect my parents no matter what?
No matter what? Verbal abuse? Bullying? Disrespect? Bribing?
You want your husband to put up with that?
Better that, go to couple’s counseling to figure out how you and your husband can find the words and actions to deal with outside forces that undermine your marriage.
Is your mother in the picture? Is being quiet and “respectful, no matter what” how she has survived all these years? That is the model you have followed.
Is this really about your husband? Isn't it more about your dad and how he behaves towards you both and others?
You put that you know dad is difficult and grumpy person, and from what you wrote in your defence for your husband, it's sounds like your dad isn't very respectful or nice to him when he's staying in your home.
It not constructive criticism, it's belittling, so I can understand why your husband reacts, I think a lot of people would.
It helps to know that your dad is treating your husband like this because that's how his dad treated him, but I don't think it's an excuse.
But It must be hard if this happens every time they come to stay and it sounds like your caught in the middle a bit. It would be nice if you could all get along or at least be civil.
work together not against. So like, if your husband took your feelings in consideration more and tries to understand how much this upsets and looks out for you a bit more. maybe, you, stick up for him when your dad talks to him the way he does? Just start to show him it's not right, he might or back down but at least you and husband are on the same wavelength?