Need advice - Ex girlfriend situation
My girlfriend and I broke up at the end of May. We were making bad choices at the time, but since breaking up have cleaned up our acts. After the breakup she was hurt as I took her for granted and didn't treat her the best during the latter part of the relationship (completely unintentional as she is aware of too, but still unacceptable). She moved on after our breakup to a new guy within a week. During most of June, he would barely speak to me and you could tell that she was hurt and very angry. Also, she had a lot going on at the time in her life that caused her a lot of stress too, which she doesn't cope with well. At one point I didn't try to reach out anymore as I was going to try the "no contact rule" and to give her space. Within one week she reached out to me as she wanted to get a few of her final belongings back (coffee maker, blow dryer and sewing machine). I knew that this was a complete excuse and not her true intentions (which I was right on). She wanted to talk to me about her roommate situation and what was going on in her personal life. At this time she moved out of her hold place and into a motel for two weeks while her new place was getting ready. I asked her why she didn't stay with her boyfriend, as that seemed logical to me. My understanding was that the people that he rents off of didn't want her staying in his place while he was away at work (she worked nights at the time). I threw out the offer of her staying with me for the week on my couch. My intention was a bit selfish as I wanted to show her the changes that I had made and the other part of it was just pure care for someone that I love. She accepted and stayed the week. She told her boyfriend that she was staying with my family and not with me. The week was terrific and there was moments of closeness between us (I would hold her, cuddle her, kiss her occasionally, hug her, etc. - nothing crazy). At the end of the week, I walked her to her car and told her that I wanted her back, that she should be with me and we had a really good kiss initiated by her. Since then it has went backwards a bit. She wants me in her life, from what I see, but seems to only want a friendship. I feel that she is still hurting from the end of our past relationship and still has a bit of anger. Recently I took a couple of days off from talking to her (texting) and she reacted to it in an interesting way. She wanted to come to my softball game to watch that night after the time off from communicating. She has openly told me that she missed me when we weren't speaking and that she still loved me (not sure if she is in love anymore). I believe in going with my gut as it has rarely steered me wrong. It is telling me that one day we will be back together again and I do really believe that her and I are an amazing fit together. We just had some shit to get through and, again, we both have and are still focused on our self-improvement. I just don't know what to do. She wants to do stuff together, which I would love to do, but I don't want to hear about her boyfriend and I don't want to be just friends. I unfortunately can't. I'm too in love with her. I regret the person I was and know that I will never return to that person. Do I do the no contact rule again and see what happens or keep in her life and show her how I have made huge steps?
For the moment I think it's quite important that she gets more space. She sounds confused she might be giving you all the signs that she still has feelings for by confining in you etc but you've already recognised she's still angry for whatever reasons and you said there have been other stressful times in her life. Maybe she needs to work on those things first.
Getting a new boyfriend after a week of breaking up with you is too soon, she might not like being on her own, but it would stopped her from making changes within herself, so it sounds like he's poss a rebound.
Also there is the fact she she couldn't be honest with him when she stayed with you for week, and kissed and cuddled with you.
It's good that you have made changes within yourself and you know your fault but it sounds like she needs more time to do the same.
Thanks for the advice....to be honest, your thoughts coincide with mine. Thanks again.