Fucked up life and relationship with family
So let me start from the start.
My mum and dad found a packet of condoms in my room and they decided to search my room. They found a bong and as soon as I got home, they had a chat with me. My dad said he had called the police and I was to go to the station for an interview. After the interview me and my parents were alright. There was no tension between us. After a couple months, my dad found another bong in my room and decided to call the cops for the second time, which i obviously didn't like which is why I started swearing at him. I said stuff that i shouldn't have said and stuff that i regret. Up until now (It's been around 8-9 months since the first time he called the cops) and we still don't talk to each other. We'd have an argument occasionally and it would just lead to bigger problems. I don't know what the deal is with him. He doesn't go work, he's lazy (he can't even give my little brother a shower) and sits on the tv all day. His relationship with my mum is getting worse and he cut off most of my mum's family except a few. I don't know what to do. I've been smoking weed everyday because of it and i've developed a dependence. I don't know if i should have a chat with him about it. I never talk to him anymore and whenever we do it's always an argument. He's tried talking to me but I only brushed him off because I'm still pissed at what he did.
I don't have a single clue on what to do. I can't decide on whether or not he did the right thing by calling the cops on me. I feel like he is a bad parent as he went straight to the police instead of talking to me about it the first time. I'd be willing to forgive him and clear things up but I can't get myself to approach him.
Any advice will be appreciated, thanks all
Your dad may have problems and their marriage may be rocky at the moment, but your behavior is your own to sort out. Don’t bring in outside issues to justify or rationalize what is going on.
You didn’t get the “ hint” that having bongs in your parent’s home was not legally or socially acceptable. You disregarded their feelings and rules- then repeated the behavior. Really?!
Now you think you are owed an apology? And blame your dependence (addiction) on others?
Get into treatment and get clean. Then work on the relationship with your parents. Your folks care about you. They were scared and didn’t know what to do when confronted with drugs in their own home and their child in perceived danger. Right or wrong their intention was to get you to know there are consequences to your behavior.
Hi Jackkkkkkkk. Instead of buying a vowel, sell a consonant. Just playing. Thanks for sharing and being concerned about your relationship with the family. It is very good you recognize the importance of this with all concerned.
I think you have many clues as to what to do. Let’s see if we can crystallize your own thoughts.
Why were you and your parents “alright” (your words) after the first police call? Did you understand the standards they were trying to maintain in their home? By repeating the undesired behavior, why would you expect a different consequence? Assuming that you are living in their home, would you agree they can set the standards and expectations?
With that being said, and because you care about your relationship with your parents, you may need to be the adult in the room and open up the communications again. This can be difficult, as you already mentioned, but may be the starting point of reconciliation. Are you up to it? I hope so. Let us know how it goes.
Thanks @8twenty8, i'll take your advice and try to do what i need to do. as of the moment my mum is still toxic to me however my dad is alright with me now. the only problem i have now is my mum's toxic behaviour towards me. As soon as i get home from work (im 17 and started my apprenticeship), the first word she says to me is something negative or she demands me to do something for her. She always complains says that I'm useless at home and i dont do chores but why cant she do shit herself? I do my fair share of work at home, but whatever i do, she keeps bothering me, making me do stuff when im tired and have been working a 50 hour week.
As for the drugs, i've cut down on the green and i can stop whenever, i just choose to do it with mates like once or twice a week so no problem for me there. My dad lets me smoke now, but my mum still doesn't though
You're welcome (although it is not advice, it is just reviewing your ideas). So on that thought, let's look again at what you are saying.
It always concerns me when someone says "I can stop whenever". Apparently your Mom is still uncomfortable with the "drug" scene, so perhaps this is the "whenever". Have you thought about that as a solution to your Mom's toxicity? Is it worth the sacrifice to maintain the relationship you seek? Ask your Mom what it is that she wants from you. It is her home.
Keep in touch.