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Family is not an obligation, it's a relationship

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Everyone has that person in their family who seems to have the worst luck in life. And that person who can't really get it together despite all the help s/he receives. Or the one who lives outside of his/her means, making poor decisions with time and money.

More often than not,these are all qualities of one single person. My family owns several of these. The generations before mine were not equipped with the right tools, I guess.

My mom is my trifle this week. Let's start with the fact that she can't catch a break. Relationships, jobs, education, health; you name it, it'll go south.

She called me last weekend at about 10pm. Her car had a flat. Big surprise. I took my car out, a 5 seater, to pick up her, her three youngest, and my daughter who was staying the night.

Before leaving the car on the side of the highway, she moved it off the roadside and into the tall grass. The next morning, a cop comes by to tell her a man hit her car, flipped it, and totaled both vehicles.

He gave the cops false insurance info, then ripped into her online because she found out where he bought the car and called them to ask if they'll release the coverage information to her insurance company. He didn't plan to tell his insurance about it, I guess.

This isn't her fault. However, she has no job - by choice - and no desire to fix her own problems. This is where I begin my issue.

She has mediocre credit because she's no good with money, she has overdue bills and rent, her license expired and she can't get another one without a birth certificate because she never registered for this state when she moved here 4 years ago, she can't find her birth certificate and has to wait to order another one because my sister's card info didn't match my mom's address so they suspect she's stealing her own identity. The list of her problems goes on for days!

I'm not heartless, I feel for her. But I'm her one child who doesn't pity people if they don't try. She's had me and my sister drive her everywhere, take the kids to school when we both live in other towns and have kids of our own, and hasn't given us anything in return.

I'm not money hungry, either. But with gas at this price, I can't do this every day and watch her not get anything productive done. She's been to several dealerships and leaves them all upset and shocked that they want to run a credit check, see her license, and verify income.

She got mad because I wouldn't take her through McDonald's after she collected thrift store money. This is what I mean. Instead of putting it toward a bill or gas, she wants a burger.

I'm not a chauffeur and I'm the last person who's going to feel obligated to take care of a grown woman just because we're related.

Family is not an obligation, it's a relationship

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I can understand your frustration. I would be angry too. Honestly, it sounds like you have your hands full. Although your moms resent mishap was an accident the issues leading up to it is all her own. You have kids to worry about first. She can get mad, but you have priorities. If she wants to be driven anywhere ask for gas money. All you can do is hope that she figures thing out herself. The best thing you can do is wait. It might be hard and very frustrating. You can give her all the answers, it is up to her to make the choice to use them. Good luck.

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