Extremely jealous wife
Im going to try to explain my wifes point of view as best as I can. This is very hard for me because I cant make any sense of how or exactly what she is thinking.
It seems that the main problem in our relationship is that she absolutely HATES my sister. There is NO reason for this. It started towards the beginning of our relationship. She just started getting jealous that I have a sister and occasionally she wanted to talk to her brother. My wife accuses me of somehow taking care of my sister while neglecting her but this could not be further from the truth. She accuses me of providing houses among other things for my sister when that has NEVER happened. In fact my sister and I often dont get along and during the course of my marriage we have had little to do with one another. In 2010 my wife kicked me out of our house which forced me to go rent another house and my sister asked to move in with me at one point and pay half the bills. She ended up spending one night at my house then went back to her boyfriend the next day. Only thing is that she had called to put in an address change at the post office so she ended up getting one piece of mail that came to my address and later when my wife and I got back together she saw that one piece of mail in that little house I was renting and ever since then she says I was providing my sister with a free place to stay while she had to work and pay bills at our house. She wont listen when I tell her my sister only spent one night at my house but that if she were to stay ofcourse she could have to pay bills. Like it should matter anyway since my wife and I were separated at the time.
I also own some property about 35 miles away from where my wife and I live which I had before she and I ever started dating. My dad and my brother were living there. My dad recently passed away and my brother can not afford all the bills there without a room mate so we spoke to my sister and she moved in to my place and is paying me rent. Now my wife again accuses me of taking care of my sister but if not for her moving in then I would have had to try to find someone else to move in to help my brother...otherwise I would be stuck paying the mortgage and taxes by myself since the property is in my name. My sister is fixing the place up. She recently sent me some pics of some painting she had done in my place by herself. This somehow got my wife mad as hell. My wife acts like she would rather my sister die. I get stuck in between them both and all I want is for them to get along. My sister is willing to be a friend to my wife but my wife refuses to even talk to her at all. By the way this kind of behavior from my wife extends to anyone who I am friends with and who I might want to hang out with every once in a while. She HATES ANYONE who is friends with me and starts accusing them and myself of all sorts of ridiculous things. Accuses me of incest with my sister and of homosexual relations with any male friend I may have.
My wife and I have separated many times but we always end up getting back together. I dont know what to do since I love my wife and weve been together for over 10 years. I just want a loving relationship with her and the way she treats me gets me very sick emotionally.
I'm not sure where to start, you clearly love your wife, but relationships are not about just about love you need trust and respect as well.
What you have done, and are doing, for your siblings is totally reasonable, I would do the same for mine if in the same situation (as they would do for me). Does she have her own friends and family? It sounds as if she is carrying a lot of hurt and mistrust, but it isn't fair that she is taking it out on you.
Can you suggest to her that you want to sort out your relationship once and for all, and propose that you both speak to relate, hopefully she would be able to open up to them, if not you (initially) to find the root of her issues.
Im really not even doing anything for my siblings. The place that my sister and my brother are living in now was community property between myself, my dad and my brother. Now that my dad passed away it is mine and my brothers place. Only thing is that my dad signed the property over to me alone years ago so that I could refinance the property with the mobile home which my brother and I had previously purchased under my name. We had the mobile home put in my name alone because I had the credit to be able to get it and my brother did not. Long story short...the property is not just mine. My brother has a 50% stake in it. After my dad passed away we asked my sister to move in and help my brother pay the bills. Shes actually helping ME. Even though she works about 65 miles away from the property she agreed to move in for a couple reasons. To give my brother some company since he and my dad always lived together in the place and my brother found my dad passed away at the property and also to help him with the bills since he no longer has my dad to split the bills with. If not for her moving in a lot of the expenses would fall on me since the mortgage and insurance is in my name and my brother would not have been able to pay his half of those expenses. I may have been able to find someone else but the place is not in good shape and few people would want to pay to live there. My sister is fixing the place up. Shes painted her room and the living room as well.
I pay ALL the bills in my household with my wife and get no appreciation for it at all. She constantly accuses me of all kinds of ridiculous things and she is absolutely obsessed with the idea that somehow I do more for my sister than her. It simply is NOT TRUE. I mean I could go line by line and spell out all the money Ive spent on my wife but this post would be way too long. My wife will insist that she has paid half our bills for our entire marriage when the ONLY household expense shes paid for the past 5 years is the light bill. Other than that she has paid her car payment and bought some groceries here and there. I have also been paying my truck payment and feeding myself mostly and spending atleast 120 per week on food. On top of that I have been paying the rent, cable, vehicle insurance for 4 vehicles, phone bill and a ton of credit card debt that accumulated from all the things Ive bought for the house such as tvs, appliances ect... For the past 8 months my wife has not had a job so Ive had to pay for everything for that period of time. I give and give and give and get nothing but bitter accusations in return. Its really sad. I cant help her. I get so mad when she starts spewing hateful venom at me and completely unfounded and delusional accusations. I always fight back and it gets very heated.
This is not about bills or your sister. Your wife is one unhappy woman.
She may need a physical and, for sure, therapy fir her lack of anger management.
You say she does not work. Why?
How did she behave when you two were dating?
Lots to find out here, but one thing is clear: this is a very stressful situation and neither of you is happy. Time to bring in a professional therapist, marriage counselor.