In a failing relationship but back in touch with old crush
I haven’t used a forum before, but here goes. I am currently in a bad relationship, I am working on ending this but as it is emotionally abusive and most of our friends are mutual I am finding it difficult to do this with low self-esteem and little support, but I will get there. My problem involves someone else.
A while ago I met a lovely single man, when he started flirting with me I did respond, despite him letting me know he wanted to take things further I didn’t, although the flirting continued. The truth is the attention did give me back my self-esteem and I knew (know) that it was only a matter of time before I had the strength to change my situation and be with him. Before this happened, he had to move away for work and we lost touch.
I know he had a tough time afterwards. A few days ago, he came up on my social media (we have a few mutual friends) a few days ago all the feelings I had for him came rushing back, I sent him a connection request and a message just saying I hope he was okay and life was treating him well. He responded straight away, and we did chat on line. The problem is he will be able to see that I’m still in a relationship (he doesn’t know it’s abusive), I’m not sure if he is still attracted to me. I don’t want to tell him how I feel because I don’t want to scare him off, I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than lose him again.
Hi sorry to hear about what you are going through in your current relationship, you do need to end this relationship and walk away from this emotional abuse no one deserves to be treated like that, being honest as regards to the guy who you have been chatting to online try and just keep it to the odd chat online while you sort out your current situation, get yourself out of this bad situation first before you think about connecting with someone else, perhaps you could explain to this guy that you are having troubles at the moment and you are trying to move on away from your current partner I'm sure he will understand and realise your situation I hope things get better for you x
Thank you, you are right, I think I needed to hear someone else tell me. I don't want to take things any further with the other guy, he worth more than that, I will keep him as a friend from a distance while I get myself into a better place.
Thank you x
Why are you having such a hard time ending this abusive relationship.
Your attraction to this other man only proves that there are nice guys you can be attracted to. But can’t persue it.
As for friends: really? You are staying in a bad relationship for them?
The short answer is that I'm scared.
I've come close a few time, but with everything he turned it to being my fault. I got a lot of hateful responses from so called friends. I know I'll get the same this time, when I do stand up for myself. I just need to find the strength to get through that so I don't cave in again.
I don't know if this other guy is still interested, I regret being such a coward when I did have the chance. I'm likely to end up with very few people around me, which I know is better than my current situation, but that doesn't make it any less scary.
This is an opportunity for you to be educated on what it's like being in a relationship with a narcissist, or sociopath. Those kind of people always blame others for their actions. They are master manipulators, enjoying the challenge of controlling other people, instilling fear in them if they try to leave the relationship.
Google "being in a relationship with a narcissist." It's an eye-opener.