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My family is broken

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My mom got married when she was 22, and I was her first child. No offense to any race or whatever, but my parents both come from India, so over there woman are treated like trash. Ever since my mom got married, she said it has become he'll for her. My dad would get mad for the smallest things, like my mom not being able to pick up his call this one time. My mom never got to graduate college or uni because of her sudden arranged marriage, so her best choice for a job was to open up a day home. My dad went to medical school and finished whatever he had to over there (India). But he complains that being a doctor was what his parents forced him to. So to show his anger at his parents (my grandparents) he worked as a computer tech guy for a while, which got him tons of money. But one day he decided to quit without even telling anyone. So since then for 6 years, he worked in the patch. By this time, we were in our third home, and I was about 3 when we moved there. So during these 6 years, my dad would be gone for hours, days or even weeks. This meant that my mom was all by herself, day home every weekday, cleaning the house, dishes, taking care of me, and groceries. This pretty much made her a housewife. When I was four, my little sister came into my life. So my mom was now going crazy. Whenever my dad came home is was probably the scariest thing to her. This was because my dad was unpredictable. He would yell at me and my mom for the smallest matters, and back then, he would also throw things at us. My grandparents were the worst too. They would do nothing to help my mom or me. My grandpa is and was an alcoholic so that was pretty much his whole day. My grandpa would pretend to be nice but then go and say bad behind our backs. I remember that when my sister was around 3, my dad would lock her in his room´╝îlights off, when he was mad at her, because he knew she was super scared off the dark and being alone, which I can now call a traumatic experience for her. Many things happened. Now I'm 13, and ever since two years ago, my mom has realized how badly I take after my dad, while my sister with my mom. And it's really hard for me because I have a huge temper thing but I always try my best to calm down. My mom has helped me change. I don't want to turn up like my dad, so I have changed so much to stop that from happening. I also have really bad sugar cravings, which has led me to being more fat than I should be. And people don't understand why my personality is so weak looking and fearful and quiet. I'm still stuck in this house with my mom, sister, and 1 year old puppy. And it's hell. Because we have to think three times before buying something that we don't usually, knowing that my dad will get extremely mad at me and my sister, because my mom and dad don't talk anymore. It's feels like my dad just uses me and my sister as a punching bag because now he can't use my mom. He blames me for the big sum of money we r in debt. And I wish I could yell and scream and punch him sometimes, but I can't, all I can do is beg him for forgiveness when I did nothing wrong. And I'm crying now because he just yelled at me for being upset with him. He was gonna drop us off at YMCA so my sis and I could go swimming, but he started asking y I'm not saying much. Real reason is because my dad is planning to take us to India with him intwo years for three weeks. He wants to go at the exact moment that I can't go, because I'll be in grade 9, when we'll have PATs which r important exams, and I'll have my basketball season that month and im the tallest on the team so they need me and I need them. My dad doesn't care to even ask us if we're ok with that time or even going there, because i DO NOT want to go to India. What I've heard of it, is extremely scary. And going with my dad only makes it ten times worse. And I'm scared, for my naive sister who doesn't realize what exactly is going on in this family. I'm scared for my puppy, who gets abused by my dad for things she's supposed to do, like licking his face to show her joy for him, but she instead gets thrown at a wall. And sometimes I feel angry at my mom, that she's not helping us get away from my dad, even tho I know inside that she's trying so hard and praying to God that He could have mercy on us. And in moments like this, I say that God is so mean to us, he's killed my mom on the inside, mentally traumatized my sister, and abused my puppy. I've thought so many times, that I have to run away or I have to slit my wrists. But then I remember my real family. My mom, my sister, my puppy, my best friend. I remember them and I realize that doing something like committing suicide or running away, will only hurt them more then it hurts me. And no matter how much I take after my dad, I still have some of my mom inside. And my mom can not ever be that selfish. She's like that. And she's also emotional, which has got her and me both in trouble from my dad multiple times. And it hurts. Because no one will understand me. I write from my heart, dreaming to be an amazing author, but I can't. Because my "dad" won't allow it. He says it's for my safety, and only a suggestion, but I have had enough experience with him to know that he only lives for himeslf, and "suggestions" r just commands in disguise. So it hurts. And it'll never stop hurting.

My family is broken

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I am so sorry that you are living like this. It must be so stressful. Your mother is caught in a cultural/social/learned behavior about women's roles in your society. She is fearful about the future. Is there another family member you can talk to? Surely, someone else sees what's going on. Try to explore some other options about getting you and your sister and your dog into a safe place. In the meantime, try to recognize your own anger. You have two models to follow: the angry abuser and the passive survivor. Try to talk to someone about changing your own attitude so that you don't become either. You don't want to repeat the dysfunctional habits of both of your parents, do you?

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