How would you feel if your boyfriend / husband donated his sperm without telling?
My boyfriend and I are having a hard time working out a problem. I understand that we are not going to see eye to eye all the time but he thinks I am being very irrational. My boyfriend failed to tell me that he is a sperm donor and does not see the problem. Recently I asked him what he was up to and he dropped the bomb through text, that he had “just donated his seed to a lesbian couple”. I am not mad about him being a donor and I do not wish to control him. What hurts is the fact that he did not sit me down and just tell me. He waited until after it was done to tell me and I was far from prepared. If he can tell me how many people he has had sex with before me, he can tell me that he has donated or planned to donate his sperm. He thinks I am just being emotional and that it is none of my business because it does not effect me. I’ve explained to him in the best way I can what I am feeling but he won’t look at things from my point of view. I support him and love him but in this situation I feel disrespected and like trust was broken. I am fully aware that if his sperm works for the couple, the child will not be ours, but that will still be his biological kid(s) that will one day walk the Earth. That is nothing to brush off. Do you think I am being too emotional or do you think I have the right to feel hurt and angry? Please tell me how you would feel if your partner donated without telling you.
P.S. He is aware that I am asking for opinions anonymously. I have posted to a different website because we want multiple opinions. Thank you in advanced!
What’s the status of your relationship? Engaged?
Is he getting a stipend for this?
How does he feel about the possibility that he may be contacted by a person claiming to be his child?
In all honestly, i feel you are being emotional about it. I know you may want to know everything about him but it was his choice. Even biologically his, he has no claim over this child. He has given a family that was unable to have one a chance to have a child. I feel you need to be understanding. Donating sperm isn't a huge things for men, i understand why he didn't think it was important.
Hey Reddragon. You are an exclusive couple, correct?
I don't think you're being too emotional at all. That's kind of a big deal! And certainly information your boyfriend should have discussed beforehand.
I wonder what his reaction would be if you offered to carry someone else's baby for 9 months, or if you donated eggs without running that by him? (I am assuming you're a hetero couple.)
I think a problem these days is that people have grown to feel that biological parenting is irrelevant. I don't think that's true, though I can understand that some people are fine with raising kids that aren't their own, or can't have kids of their own for whatever reason. I still think having and raising children the traditional way is the way to go.
It could be that you see things more like me. You and your partner might not see eye to eye on this subject, and this is something the two of you should talk about more.