1. I work full time and I also do a lot of household chores.
2. There are some chores I don't do (organise the clothes) because I feel it's more important to do others (ensuring the clothes are clean in the first place). I'm tired after work too and I would like some chill time.
3. My husband asked me to organise them tonight.
I said ok.
He complained about the inconvenience of not having clothes organised.
I was annoyed but I tried to assure him it's not that bad.
He said "nevermind, my bad for not organising them myself". (guilt-trip)
I was not happy but I said it's ok, we'll solve this.
He said: "NO I WILL DO IT MYSELF TONIGHT." (why the capslocks)
I refused to give in and casually said "Okay dear"
He said: "that being said get your own dinner tonight. I will do dinner by myself and do my household chore by myself. If I can fix my own chores, I can have my own dinner." (isolation and guilt-trip, as we always have dinner together).
4. Clearly I am very upset. I have done a lot of things for the family, and I didn't ask for thanks but I just don't like being blamed for some of the things I didn't do. The chores are his responsibility as much as mine. I resent the guilt-trip, capslock, isolation.
5. He says I am overthinking things and I should just take his words at literal face value. He refuses to listen to my feelings and says it's not fair to him that I overthink and blames him for my false perception of him.
6. Personality-wise, he is definitely a guilt-tripper and he does expect me to do the household chores.
Issue 1: I feel underappreciated because I do a lot but he only gets upset at the things I don't do. (Really, why doesn't he do them himself if it bothers him? It doesn't bother me).
Issue 2: He just asserts I am overthinking and refuses to listen when I tell him how I feel, because he thinks he can't be responsible for me overthinking. He doesn't even admit that he is upset at me for not doing the chores in the first place (which, in my opinion, clearly he is). I would like him to take my feelings seriously.
Please help, I'm really kinda desperate and I have been crying all morning in my office.
I am assuming that he works full time and you two split the chores. Are you feeling that you have the majority of the chores to do?
Some days, people are just too tired to do their part. It seems your husband is not the type to understand, in fact, feels like he now has to do your part. So like a child, he withholds benefits of his work.
You two need some quality, quiet time. Pay a relative to do the laundry and get take out. Reduce both of your workloads and make it a priority to pay attention to each other, not the chores.
the more you respond to his complaints the worst he will get. do your fair share favoring things that benefit you. just ignore his complaints and he will back off. you deserve a lifetime as well as him. tell him if he wants a full time house wife you are willing to take care of all household tasks to his liking.
Yeah no. This speaks to more than just division of labor. This is about teamwork. The two of you, one team, against the problem. He's acting as if you're opposing teams, and he's keeping score. And "punishing" you for "falling behind". I'd be shocked if this is the only area that's effected by his immaturity.
He guilt trips you, because it's wildly effective. You can either agree to pay someone else to do the chores so this dynamic is not in play, or you can stop playing his game altogether, and only take care of yourself until he realizes his tantrum isn't working anymore. The way he responds will tell you where you stand. Either way, he needs to grow up, and you need to let him.