Break up of 7 years, I think she has moved on but I am having trouble
Hey guys, my name is Steven. I met my ex back in 2010 and started dating in 2011. We were great for the first three years, but then she dropped out of college and I remained. I am not innocent. I lived the party life, and although I didn't sleep with anyone else while we were together (nor did I get intimate with them) I still made the mistake of choosing to hang with the guys over her. She hinted towards dislike about this but never really said to stop. I am not excusing it cause it was dumb, but I was dumb then and didn't really have any experience dating or actually falling in love.
Moving into the third year I found out she started talking to a co-worker and left me. On the premises that I wasn't there, and she had no idea what I was doing when i went out. I felt betrayed. I felt lost. I felt dumb for feeling so safe I forgot that she was also experiencing life and from her eyes I was not there. So anyway, we broke up and I got her back after a month. Things were great for another three years but my fears would not subside. I stopped partying completely, no more alcohol, etc. However I always felt she would leave again...and her not willing to talk about what happened (to communicate) weighed on me.
I broke up with st. Up until about two weeks ago she was still ready to get back together and I am 100% confident that I got over myself in the aspect that we were both wrong back then. However I did get jealous of how she has been spending time with a guy frequently (among other friends) and got emotional. I sent her a text that could've been taken in multiple ways.
The result? She admits she is still in love with me but is having trouble choosing between myself and the guy who has been trying to make moves on her these past three weeks (a coworker she has known for about a year and a half).I don't need to hear about the dumb things I did, or she did, but I need to hear opinions of if I should move on or wait for her decision. If this love is worth pursuing to an outside party.
Note: Yes we want the same things long term, but rough early years made this difficult.
Steven she admitted she loves you but she’s only contemplating whether she likes this other guy or not because he was there when you weren’t. Tell her how you feel, if you want her then tell her how you’re gonna make that happen, she knows it’s her decision but remind her not of the pain and heartbreak she experienced of you but the happy moments, the good times and tell her the best times are yet to be made. But for that you need one last chance. Good luck and all the best with her.
Bottom line? She may still love you, but she's already moved on. She wouldn't be interested in anyone else if her heart was still yours. I'm sorry, as I know you're hurting and that's not what you want to hear. I think you meed to tell her how you feel, and that you hope she decides she wants to be with you, but that you're bowing out gracefully until or unless she initiates reconciliation.
Focus on yourself for awhile. Reconnect with friends, maybe see a counselor, pursues your interests, and work on being a healthier you. Either she'll realize you're the one, or she'll continue to move on without you. But you're torturing yourself right now by putting your heart in limbo. Shes being honest with you, and isn't asking you to stick around while she explores something new. You're putting yourself through more pain by trying to stay where you're not invited.
So do your own thing for awhile. Regardless of what happens with her, you'll be happier, and the pain will subside quicker than if you're stagnating. If she comes back to you, you'll be a better partner. If she doesn't, you'll still be a better person, and more open to whatever (or whoever) comes next.
I thought I was going to implode when my 24 year marriage ended. Heartbreak is an understatement. But I eventually decided to get healthier and happier instead of clinging to what was. Then, completely out of nowhere, I met the true love of my life. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as my (ex)husband. I was wrong. I know now that my marriage was getting me prepared for this kind of love.
Regardless of future relationships, you'll never regret taking time and energy to work on yourself. You, and whoever you share your life with, will benefit.